200 Things NOT to do in Pokemon
by PkmnMaster Rolf
Summary: The World of Pokémon is a wonderful place. However, there are certain things you should never do if you value your life. What happens if you do them anyway? Well, you might just wind up with a starring role in Mew's latest chaotic scheme: a T.V. show dedicated to all the craziness the World of Pokémon has to offer! What hijinks lie in wait? Who knows! This is MEW after all!
1. Episode 1, Part 1: 1-10

Episode One, Part One: Mew has an Idea

"So Twosie."

"Yes? What is it now, Mew?"

"I was thinking…"

"Always dangerous. Continue."

"Well…since I'm currently banished from the Hall of Origin until I become 'wiser', I thought of a way I could be more responsi…respons…um…"

"Responsible?"

"Yeah! That's the word! Responsible!"

"…and I assume you are going to tell it to me, whether I like it or not."

"Yep!"

"…."

"So…"

"Fine. Tell me."

"Great! You're the best, Twosie!"

"Mew…I hate that nickname."

"Anyway, I was thinking, what if I did something that helped everyone! That everyone could enjoy? So I was watching T.V. one day…"

"And how did you get a T.V.?"

"I took it from someone's basement! Well, it was his mother's basement. He really needed to get out more, so I was doing him a favor. Anyway, I was watching this show and I thought, that looks like fun! I want to try!"

"…you want to start…a T.V. show?"

"About Pokémon!"

"Mew…"

"Plus, I'm bored. And if Keldeo can review fanfictions, I can make my own T.V. show!"

"Mew…"

"Besides! I'll just be running it! I don't have to appear on camera! That way, Team Rocket, Aqua, Magma, Flare, Destiny, Rawk, or whatever the latest group of baddies calls themselves won't know where I am!"

"Mew, who would be watching this show?"

Mew blinked. "Um…well, Pokémon who have T.V.s and we could probably find a way to get it into the Poke-ball system. Also, I was thinking we could get a deal with the Smash Committee to broadcast through the universe…"

Mewtwo frowned. "You mean Master and Crazy Hand? Mew…that is a terrible idea and it will never work."

"Oh Twosie, Twosie, Twosie…you never want to say that around me."

_Three months later…_

Mew sat in a plush chair and grinned. He had a good view of the stage from here. Beside him, Mewtwo sat with a glum look on his face. Mew flicked his 'younger brother's' ear with the tip of his tail. "Told you this would work!" he said triumphantly. Mewtwo rolled his eyes and leaned back, preparing himself for whatever inane display the pink kitten had conjured up from that quagmire he called a brain.

Down below, a plusle and minum were busy ushering everyone to their tables and seating them while taking orders for dinner, which would be served later during intermission. The show would be edited before it was sent out, of course, so the viewers would not be forced to watch about thirty minutes of dinnertime. But currently, stage was dark, though anticipation was in the air. Mew and Mewtwo could just see some of the crew hurrying around backstage as they made the final preparations for the show.

"Let's hope this doesn't turn out like your Christmas party…" Mewtwo sighed.

"Oh that wasn't too bad!" Mew protested.

Mewtwo looked sharply at him. "You stuck me in a dunk-tank. In the winter-time. I nearly froze to death."

"See?" Mew said with a saucy grin, "Not so bad!" Mewtwo glared and was about to protest, but then the house lights dimmed and the stage lights went up. A jazzy show theme began to play. "Ooh! It's starting!"

"Where _did_ you get all this equipment?" Mewtwo muttered.

"Stole it from Team Rocket, like I said before! Now be quiet and watch the show!"

"Welcome!" the announcer said through the speakers, "Welcome Pokémon of all sizes and our special viewers from around the universe! Here's your hosts, Stardust and Blackstar!"

With another upbeat musical cue, a portion of the stage slid open. Mist poured up from it as two Pokémon slowly rose, lifted high into the air by a platform. As the fog cleared, their forms were gradually revealed. On the left was an espeon, sitting like a princess with her tail swaying back and forth behind her. On the right was an umbreon, grinning in the way that only Dark-types can. But then, the platform came to a jerky halt and fell off with a loud yelp.

"Ow…" he whimpered, "I think that was my head..."

"Oh get up," the espeon said with a sniff, "If you haven't cracked your skull before, then it won't happen this time." The umbreon pouted. A chuckle went through the audience. "Anyway…" the psychic turned to the audience, "Yes, good evening and welcome to the show. I'm Stardust and this is Blackstar. Now, this is the first show designed for Pokémon. If you are a human from our world and watching this...first of all, how did you find this broadcast? We're filming in between dimensions, for crying out loud! And second of all why are you watching a show for Pokémon?"

Blackstar hopped to his feet. "That's weird! Don't you have enough human shows to keep you entertained?" He grinned. "But seriously guys, we're going to have a lot of fun tonight!"

"Indeed!" Stardust said with a nod, "This is the first episode in our little show. Now, as I'm sure you know, our world has some pretty odd, strange, or otherwise entertaining events. However, there are some things you should _never_ do. And, if you do, well…" She grinned. "We promise that your story will get a prime spot!"

"And now, it's disclaimer time!" Blackstar said with way too much pep, "The events you are about to see are for parody purposes only! All rights belong to their respective owners! We own nothing! I don't own myself! All hail my lord and master, Mew the glorious! May his tail never get tied in a knot! Also, the fourth wall will only be respected when and if it is convenient." He grinned. "We got blackmail on Palkia, so we can do whatever we want!"

"That about sums it up," Stardust said, "So Blackstar, what's first on the list?"

"Well…" the Umbreon said, "I'm sure you all know of Pikachu. Not just any pikachu, but _Pikachu_. Well, he has a very…unhealthy obsession with ketchup. And that's why the first item in our list of things not to do is…_Never put Pikachu in charge of a ketchup factory_. Ladies and Gentlemons, we present the first three of 200 Things NOT to do in Pokémon!"

_#1: Never put Pikachu in charge of a ketchup factory_.

"Hey, did you hear?" Bulbasaur asked Squirtle one day while they were hanging out in Ash's hotel room in Celadon City.

"I hear a lot of things, bro," Squirtle answered dismissively, staring out the window at something, "What is it?"

"Pikachu bought a ketchup factory on the outskirts of town."

"Oh," Squirtle muttered, "Well that would explain it..."

Bulbasaur cocked his head to the side. "Explain what?"

In reply, Squirtle pointed out the window, where Pikachu was riding a surf-board on a giant wave of ketchup. "Best. Day. EVER!" the electric mouse shouted as he passed his two friends. The two Kanto starters exchanged wide-eyed glances.

"Wow…" Bulbasaur muttered.

"I know!" Squirtle said, bobbing his head in agreement, "Who knew Pikachu could surf?"

_#2: Do not teach Brock how to really flirt._

A solitary Absol ran across the Hoenn countryside, running as fast as he could to reach his goal. His mission: to warn the people of the neighboring towns of their imminent danger. A disaster unlike any other was approaching and it was his self-assigned duty to save them from it.

He ran down the street, straight into the heart of the town, and shouted. "All the girls! Start running! Run! Before you become one of THEM!"

None of the humans understood a word he was saying, but a nearby Swellow flew up beside him. "What? What's wrong? What did you see?" she asked anxiously.

The Absol looked at her with solemn eyes. "Brock Fan-girls!"

_#3: Never take Squirtle's sunglasses._

"We are gathered here today to remember the late Gary Oak. His life was tragically cut short by a freak accident involving a storm drain and bubblegum…"

No one ever did figure out why Squirtle was laughing the whole way through. Serves Gary right, he told himself. No one touched his shades. No one.

* * *

><p>"Has anyone actually ever liked Gary?" Blackstar wondered aloud.<p>

"Yes! Of course!" Stardust responded in an offended tone, "He is without a doubt the hottest trainer alive! If ever I got captured, I'd want to be on his team. I have pictures, record albums, a lock of his hair…"

"Okay then…I think we've heard enough of that…" Blackstar interrupted, "Um, roll the next clip! Or several! I need to have a quick talk with my partner here…" He seized her ear in his mouth and quickly dragged her backstage.

_#4: Don't go to Mt. Moon with no repels._

"Alright…the coast is clear…" Red muttered to himself as he peered into the depths of Mt. Moon. However, the instant he stepped inside, a loud, fluttering noise was heard. Beside him, his faithful Charmeleon's eyes widened and he turned to run. "Charmeleon! Wait!" Red called, but it was too late. The Zubats had descended.

"Crud! I'm going to be late for my date!" he said, right before a zubat struck him in the face.

_#5: Never try to convince Mewtwo he is female._

"So wait…let me get this straight…" Lugia said, frowning at Mewtwo, "You're a clone… but you were cloned from a fossil of Mew… Wouldn't that make you the same gender as the fossil?"

"Your point?" Mewtwo asked, unimpressed.

"Well, Mew _is_ the ancestor of all Pokémon and that would seem to imply that you're really a…"

One Shadow Ball to the face later, Mewtwo was glaring down at the silver legendary. "Your line of reasoning is invalid."

_#6: Don't offer Togepi eggs and bacon._

Meowth did this once, but Pikachu fried him so badly that 'Deep-fried-Meowth' was an option for dinner that night. Fortunately, he still had seven lives left, otherwise he'd have been in a world of hurt.

"I'll getcha for dat, rat!" the cat swore. Just then, Togepi used the dreaded 'Metronome' technique and an anvil fell on Meowths' head.

"Won't that kill him again?" Pikachu wondered, "Ah, who am I kidding? He survives being blasted into the sky every episode."

_#7: Don't try to figure out Mew's gender._

"Okay, I _really_ am trying to figure this out here…" Lugia said apologetically as he flew beside Mew and Mewtwo, "Official sources state Mew is male, but they also say he's the ancestor of all Pokémon…Also, he is able to shape-shift. So…does that mean that…"

Suddenly, an anvil landed on his head, slid off, and fell on some poor Meowth's head, making his second line of reasoning also invalid.

* * *

><p>"Your peach cobbler, Director Mew?"<p>

Mew grinned at the plusle and took the tasty treat eagerly. "Thanks, Plus!" He felt the fur on the back of his neck bristle. He glanced over at Mewtwo and squeaked in alarm. The clone glared at him with such ferocity, it was a wonder that the psychic kitten didn't explode right then and there. "What?" he asked, "_I_ didn't come up with that joke!"

Mewtwo grumbled under his breath and went back to watching the show. The two eeveelutions re-entered the stage. "Right!" Blackstar said, "Glad we got that straightened out."

"And now for a bit of fourth-wall breaking!" Stardust said, "Everyone's favorite part!"

Blackstar nodded. "Enjoy!"

"And Gary is the best trainer ever!" Stardust added before dashing off stage-right, Blackstar hot on her heels.

_#8: Don't use overused memes (like this one)._

Red whipped out his trusty Poke-Dex and pointed it at the Pokémon across from him. It was the last entry he had to fill and he was having a really tough time battling it. "What is Arceus' level?!" he shouted over the chaos of the battle.

Predictably, the Poke-dex replied…

"Over 9000."

_#9: Celebi is not a Time Lord. Don't call her one._

"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

Things were going poorly for the defenders of Johto. The weird, alien trash-cans were making rapid progress in conquering the region. That is, until Celebi appeared, wielding a metal stick with a glowing tip and talking in a lovely British accent. But then, she wanted Mew to be her companion and things went down-hill from there.

"For the last time, Celebi, I'm NOT your boyfriend!"

_#10 Neither is Dialga. Don't call him one either._

The second time the aliens attacked, they avoided Johto altogether and just went straight for Sinnoh. It was then that Dialga discovered that Daleks made great giant chess pieces when frozen in time. It still didn't make him any better at chess.

"Checkmate," Palkia said, bored.

In his fury, the Lord of Time unleashed the entire board at his 'brother'. Next day's news reported sightings of the Lord of Space running from flying trash-cans. The reporter was then put in a mental institution, but the conspiracy theorists still had fun with the story.

* * *

><p>Blackstar stepped back onto the stage, a sheepish smile on his face. "It's now time for intermission! Hope you all ordered something tasty! Sorry that Stardust couldn't be here. She's a bit…tied up at the moment."<p>

A pan flew from backstage, spilling food everywhere, and struck him in the head. Repeatedly. "Ow! Ow! Quit it! Fine, I'll untie you!" The pan dropped to the ground immediately.

"Hey! That was my dinner!" one of the audience members shouted.

"We'll make you another one! Don't worry!" Blackstar assured him. Under his breath, he added, "Note to self, don't tick off someone who can levitate objects with her mind. Anyways, we'll be right back after intermission! If you're watching this on T.V., enjoy a few commercials!"


	2. Episode 1 Commercial Break: Dein-Ohs!

Commercial Break One: Dein-Ohs!

Hey everyone! Is your Poke-food leaving a bad taste in your mouth? Have you ever wanted to strike with the strength of a dragon? Does your mate complain of bad breath? Well fret no more! We have the solution!

Dein-Ohs! The terrific new breakfast cereal! Packed full of all the vitamins and minerals and more vitamins that you need to become a fighting machine! Hit like a lucario! Smirk like Mewtwo! Move like a ninjask! All this can be yours!

Aren't convinced? Here's a word from some of our customers!

Piplup: "Hi! My name is Piplup and I (splice) love (splice) Dein-Ohs!"

Primape: "Get out of my life, you (bleep) annoying sales-(splice) -back to regular cereal! (BLEEEEEEP!)"

Oshawott: "Yeah! I love Dein-Ohs! They're great! Um, was that good enough? Can I have that kiss now?"

Emolga: "Can I say how much I love berries instead?"

Oshawott: "Emolga! Hi!"

Emolga: "Um…gotta split!"

Pikachu: (blinks) "What's cereal? Does it come with ketchup?"

Yes, Pikachu! Dein-Ohs come in all _sorts_ of flavors! …if you like rhubarb, that is. There was an accident down at the factory earlier. But never mind that! And in honor of the first episode of Mew's new show, _insert name of show here_, we are offering a special deal!

_One!_

_For!_

_The!_

_Price!_

_Of! _

_TWO!_

(Don't think about it, just buy! Pretty please?)

Dein-Oh's is not responsible for any hair-loss, fur-loss, or even _fir-_loss that might result from using our product. In fact, if anything negative happens to you, we knew nothing about it. We deny everything. You can't prove it! Half of our company's budget goes to our lawyers, so there!


	3. Episode 1, Part 2: 11-20

**Welcome back! This will probably be the last update until next weekend. There's stuff and nonsense to do, not to mention my other current story, _The Day of Burning Skies_. So enjoy! **

Episode 1, Part 2: And We're Back! (11-20)

"Are we live?"

"Yes, Blackstar, we're live."

"Okey-dokey then!" He grinned at the camera. "Welcome back!"

"Hi," Stardust added, "You know it has that little light on top that turns on when we go live, right?"

Blackstar blinked in surprise. "Really? I thought that was just to keep the venomoths away from the stage. Since we're both weak to bugs and all…"

The espeon sighed. "Blackstar…the stagelights are much more likely to do that than the tiny red ones on top of the cameras."

"But I thought they liked red…"

"And there's your problem," Stardust said, "You were thinking again." She turned to the camera. "Anyway, let's continue, shall we? Now where were we?"

"You were tied up in the broom-closet," Blackstar said. She gave him a withering glare. "And beating me over the head with someone's dinner."

"One of these is going to have to be 'don't tick off a psychic'," she growled.

"Well, we don't have that one but…" Blackstar grinned. "Alright, so most everyone remembers Sabrina, right? For those of you who don't, she's a creepy psychic gym-leader in Kanto. Turned people into plushies. That sort of thing. So this one's for you, Sabrina, if you are somehow watching this. Enjoy."

_#11: Don't let the Grunts form a union_.

"So how's the interrogation going, Jenny?" Lt. Surge asked as they stood outside the Saffron City jail's holding cells.

"Not too well," Jenny muttered under her breath, "It's those new regulations. And let me tell you, hi-def television costs _way_ too much. And the caviar, Kalosian wine, and concert tickets aren't much better!"

Surge frowned. "Hey, correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't we be trying to, you know, make them _uncomfortable_?"

Jenny smiled humorlessly. "That's the 'old way'. Now, we are a, what's the exact term for it, a _reformational facility aimed at the rehabilitation of criminals through faith, love_, oh, and pixie dust."

"But…we're at least allowed to hit them, right?" the electric-gym leader asked.

"Nope! 'Gently-worded questions' and 'polite suggestions' only. And if you think that's bad, just wait until Sabrina comes out after serving them their afternoon tea."

"Afternoon tea…?!"

Just then, the door slid open and Sabrina herself emerged, dressed in a very fetching maid's outfit and holding a platter of used dishes. Surge gawked, not entirely displeased with what he was seeing. He grinned.

"Well now, I think I like the new method!" he said with a chuckle.

Suddenly, she was inches away from his face with her trademark whip wrapped around his throat. Her eyes burned into his.

"If you ever tell _anyone_ about this, especially _Brock_," she hissed, "I will make you live the rest of your days convinced you are a thirteen-year-old ballerina named Sparklefairy! Understand me?"

The events of that day were never spoken of again.

* * *

><p>"Ah, it's so nice to be immune to psychic powers!" Blackstar said with a satisfied grin on his face.<p>

"You want to be hit with the frying pan again?" Stardust threatened.

"Nope!"

"Good." She took a deep breath. "Since we are on the subject of the various nefarious teams that inhabit our world, let's continue with a few more about them, shall we?"

_#12: Never bring up the question of 'Ninjas vs. Pirates' at a Team Aqua/Magma peace conference._

"So we are agreed then?" Archie said, offering a handshake.

"Yes, I believe we are," Maxie replied with a smile, "Our teams combined shall rule Hoenn forever!"

"That's great, guys, just great," Brandon called from where he was hog-tied in the corner, "But there is still one thing you haven't quite taken care of."

"If you mean Birch's daughter May," Maxie scoffed, "We have the situation in hand."

"May? No! I didn't mean her."

"Then what thing were you talking about?" Archie asked in confusion.

"Simple. Ninjas…or pirates?"

In the ensuing confusion, the newest champion of the elite four was able to slip away. "Best! Idea! Ever!" he said, giving his blaziken a high-five as they quickly exited the building.

The riot went on for three days. Police from Kanto, Johto, and even as far away as Orre flew in to round them up. Even in jail, the two teams had to be separated. Several top-ranking members of the police wanted to arrest Brandon too, but in the end they all agreed that his method had caused way less damage to the region than if the two teams actually had managed to combine.

_#13: Don't let Team Rocket start a band._

At first it was just an easy way to get some extra money. When Jessie discovered that James had been trained to play twenty different instruments as a child, she immediately leapt at the chance to capitalize on it. And so, with Meowth playing moderately well on the drums and with her as lead singer, the Rocket Band was born!

Their greatest hits included such songs as 'Team Rocket's Rockin'!', 'Pikachu Blues', and 'We're Blasting Off Again!' Records on sale now!

_#14: For the love of Arceus, don't put all the evil teams in one prison!_

"Eureka!" Professor Oak exclaimed one night, "I know what we have to do!"

He ran to the phone and called up Jenny. She wasn't terribly impressed.

"You want us to build walls around Viridian City and lock all the Rockets, Magmas, Aguas, Galactics, Plasmas, and Flares inside it? Together? WITHOUT GUARDS?!"

"There would be guards on the towers…" Oak countered.

"Professor…" Jenny sighed, "Just where did you get this idea?"

Oak hesitated. "Well, Blue was playing Arkham City the other day…"

"No," Jenny said flatly, "Just no." And she hung up.

_# 15: Also, don't let Team Rocket play Assassin's Creed_

"Where'd they go?"

"Spread out! They have to be around here somewhere!"

"Blast it! I don't see them anywhere!"

Meanwhile, on a nearby bench, three figures in white robes sat reading newspapers and giggling in unison. "I told you these disguises would work, Jessie!" James said.

"An' they're not so scratchy as da mustaches we usually wear!" Meowth added.

"Hey! You there!"

The trio straightened in alarm as an officer approached them. Jessie gulped. "Y-yes, officer?"

"Pardon me, ma'am, but we're looking for Team Rocket. Have you seen them lately?"

* * *

><p>Mew leaned over towards Mewtwo. "Enjoying yourself yet?"<p>

"No. But a thought did occur to me."

"Really?!" Mew squealed and leapt into his lap. "What is it? Is it fun?!"

"Humans are stupid."

Mew blinked. "Really? That's it?"

The larger psychic glared at him. "Yes, that's it. What were you expecting?"

"You are a big spoil-sport," Mew said, "That's all I have to say. You are a big spoil-sport."

Mewtwo rolled his eyes. "Well then, I'll keep that in mind for the future."

"You do that."

"And now," Blackstar said dramatically, "For another meme."

"Oh…wonderful," Stardust muttered under her breath.

"Hey! I picked this out myself!"

"That's what I'm worried about," she said, dead-pan.

_#16: Don't give a mudkip a hat and monocle._

May blinked in surprise. Sure, it was a bit weird that contests in Sinnoh involved dressing up your Pokémon, but she never imagined this result! The other trainer's mudkip stood on two legs, sporting a waistcoat, top-hat, monocle, and pocket-watch. It caught her staring and approached.

"Excuse me, madam, but it has been brought to my attention by persons other than yourself that you liek mudkips."

Stardust sighed heavily. "That was bad."

Her umbreon partner pouted. "I rather liked it, thank you very much."

"In that case," Stardust said, "I'll make sure that you stay away from the script-room in the future. Now, on to some actually funny ones! Iapappa berries, for instance, can cause some rather…entertaining moments."

"Especially when fermented!" Blackstar chimed in.

"Which leads right into this next series," she finished, "Enjoy."

_#17 Don't ferment Iapappa Berries._

It was James' scheme this time. Sell the juice at the fair where the twerps were and, when they were all suffering from confusion, they could swoop in, perform their motto, and nab Pikachu once and for all!

Unfortunately, the fair got delayed and Meowth forgot to stick the juice in the refrigerator, so it didn't taste terribly good when the time came to sell it. Things got worse when the patrons started staggering around drunkenly and screaming about giant, flying trashcans about to kill them all.

The trio was arrested for selling intoxicating substances without a proper license.

"And we didn't even get ta use dat nice, fancy mech we bought!" Meowth lamented.

"Oh? Which one did you pick?" Jessie asked.

"Da 'Pinch-a-Chu 9000'."

"Wait, that one costs a lot of money," James said, "How did we pay for it?"

Meowth grinned nervously. "Hey Jimmy-boy, remember how ya lost yer collection of all dose rare bottlecaps?"

"Yes…" James replied, not liking where this was going.

"Well, da ting is, IsoldthemandI'mreallysorryoharceusdon'tstrangleme-URK!"

_#18: If I do ferment Iapappa berries, I will not give Mew any._

"Wheeeeee! Stars! Planets! My tail! Ooh! Shiny!"

Latios sighed and massaged his temples. Victini's latest 'prank' certainly led to some interesting results. "Mew, that is a candy-bar wrapper. Leave it alone."

"NO! It's mine! My own! My shiny!"

Latias frowned. "Isn't that a Lord of the Rings reference?"

Mew giggled. "Yep!"

There was a loud crack and the fourth wall shattered into a thousand pieces. Latios glared at his sister.

"Oops?" she offered apologetically.

_#19: And, for the sake of all that is good and beautiful, don't give Arceus any._

Giratina, Dialga, and Palkia rarely agree, but they all believe that this is how dunsparces came to be. That, or their creator has a much bigger sense of humor than they previously expected. Then again, he did also make Mew…

* * *

><p>"And magikarps, and stunfisks, and shuckles, and…"<p>

"I get it, Mew," Mewtwo said with an annoyed growl in his voice, "He made a lot of strange Pokémon."

"Well, we're just about done for tonight," Blackstar said, "But before we go, we have one more to show you!"

"And this is a special one," Stardust said with a slightly twisted smile.

Blackstar took a step away from her. "Oh goodness…"

"It's dedicated to you, Blackstar…"

"Um, is it too late to run? Because running sounds like a good idea now…"

"I'm still mad about being locked in the closet…"

Blackstar gulped. "Yeah…about that. Can I just say I'm sorry and have done with it?"

Stardust smiled sweetly and for a moment Blackstar felt a surge of hope. "No." The hope dies a brutal, murderous death. "And so…

"Oh dear…"

"This last clip is…"

"Please don't say it's what I think it is…"

"From your childhood, Blackstar."

Blackstar pursed his lips and gave a sharp, little nod. "Yep! That's exactly what I was afraid of!"

Stardust turned towards the camera and beamed. "And now, for your enjoyment…number 20."

_#20: I won't start a zombie apocalypse._

A painfully fluffy and cute eevee fled across the Viridian Forest floor. He panted, limbs trembling as he tried to keep up a good pace. They were coming! He had to warn everyone!

He dove into a small den underneath a tree. "Mommy! Daddy! Zombies are coming!"

"There's no such thing as zombies, dear," a leafeon replied.

The eevee took a deep breath. "Remember those creepy insects with mushrooms on their backs?"

"That herd of Paras? Yes, why?" a flareon replied, standing next to his mate.

"Well…they evolved and…look at them now…"

The two eeveelutions peered out the front of their den. They saw what could only be described as a horde of crab-like Pokémon with huge mushrooms on their backs making their way slowly through the forest.

"Meat…" one groaned.

"Fresh…flesh…"

"Brains!"

"Ah," the flareon and leafeon said in unison. They turned back towards their son. "Those are just parasects. They're like that," the flareon said.

"Honey, this is a good time to talk about being tolerant of other Pokémon's lifestyles," the leafeon added, "But first, let's run!"

"Yes, I rather like that idea! Climb on my back, son! Life lessons can wait until we're no longer about to be eaten."

* * *

><p>"Aw…" Stardust cooed, "You looked so cute back then!" The umbreon was curled up in a tiny ball and shivering. She poked him. "Um…Blackstar? You okay?"<p>

"That was the most traumatic day of my life…"

Stardust blinked and her ears drooped. "Oh, sorry…didn't think about…"

"They stole my favorite stick!" he said, angrily bounding to his feet, "I loved to chew on that thing! If I ever find them, I'll..."

"Aaaaaand never mind," she muttered, "Sheltered life much?"

Blackstar sighed and extended his paw. "So...are we even now?"

She took it. "Yep!"

"Good!" Suddenly, he was his normal, bouncy self again. "Goodnight, everyone! I hope you enjoyed the show! And while you're here, don't forget to check out the other sights!"

"For instance, Crystal Falls is beautiful this time of night," Stardust added.

"Yep! So, until next week, everyone! See ya!"

Stardust waved with one of her forepaws. "Bye!"

As soon as the room was clear, a minccino stepped onstage with a small crew behind her. "Alright, people!" she said in a loud, authoritative voice, "Let's break it down! Then, we can get this place swept clean! And I want everything stored away! _Neatly_! Understand?"

"Yes, Cicci!" they chorused and immediately got to work.

Meanwhile, Mew floated over to Stardust and Blackstar. "Yay! It went well! I could hug you both!"

Stardust bowed. "A pleasure, director Mew."

Blackstar grinned. "Oh, it was fun! Poke-Park is a really nice place to live. Thanks for recruiting us! Rehearsal on Monday?"

"Yep! Bright and early!" Mew replied, "Have a good weekend! See you then!" He zipped off to cause mischief elsewhere.

The two of them exited the studio together. Stardust sighed contentedly. "I can't wait to get home and have a hot bath…"

"Yeah…" Blackstar hesitated. "Hey, you know what you said about Crystal Falls?"

She glanced over at him. "Yes…"

"Well, I was just wondering if you'd…like to go see it together. It'd be a good chance to catch up on things, since we haven't really had a whole lot of time to hang out socially lately."

"Maybe another time," she replied, but she gave him a genuine smile, "Thanks for offering though. See you Monday!"

"Yeah…see you…" he said weakly as she scampered off into the night. Her tail disappeared around a corner and he sighed. "Oh well…" A smile fluttered across his face. "Hmm, so much for that. I wonder what the guys are doing down in the Forest Area…"


	4. Episode 2, Part 1: 21-30

**(AN) Hi! This is a transmission from the Smash Oversight Committee. Crazy Hand, speaking! Anyhoo, this episode will be the first to have guest stars! Oh, Blackstar and Stardust don't know WHO yet, but due to a little mischief by yours truly, two peeps from Jack Storm 448's neck of the woods will be arriving. He won this little contest thingamajig way back when. Right. Better give this microphone back and go untie Master Hand before he banishes me to Subspace again. Enjoy! And Happy Halloween! **

Episode 2, Part 1: Halloween Begins!

"Welcome!" Stardust said.

"Hi!" Blackstar added.

"Thank you, Blackstar," she said, "Anyway, as I'm sure you all know, Halloween is fast approaching! So, even though it's only the second episode, it's time for our Halloween Special!"

"Yep! And we have a…special surprise." Blackstar smiled creepily. "Reveal…the machine!"

Sparks flew, smoke poured out, and loud clanging sounds announced the arrival of a tremendous metal contraption. It rose from the center of the stage and sat there, steaming ominously. "This!" Blackstar said with a cackle, "Will bring a very special person here to help us host the show! I promise, it will be quite the surprise!" He bit the lever and pulled it down. The machine rattled to life, almost obscuring the sound of the umbreon's mad laughter. Stardust rolled her eyes.

There was a flash of light and two figures appeared. The two eeveelutions exchanged glances. "Blackstar," Stardust said, "I thought only ONE person was showing up…"

"What in..." exclaimed the first figure; a human boy with golden hair and blue eyes.

"I think it happened again," the second said sourly; it was a regular-looking Lucario.

"But why are you here?" the human asked of his companion.

"Better question," the Lucario said, holding up a paw, "Where is 'here'?"

In unison, the odd couple turned towards the camera.

Blackstar frowned and trotted up to them. He sniffed them both curiously. "Please tell me one of you is Rotom in disguise..."

The pair of guests looked at each other, and then answered in a perfect, simultaneous deadpan.

"Not unless he knows something I don't."

"My name is Jack Storm," the human introduced, "and this is my brother, Jason."

"But you are a human and..." Stardust's eyes widened. "Blackstar! Run! He's a trainer!"

"What?!" Blackstar leapt back in alarm. "But the machine should have brought ROTOM here, not a trainer!"

Stardust ran over to it and read the display. She turned around, expressionless. "Blackstar...the coordinates were supposed to be NEGATIVE 203, not positive!"

Blackstar grinned sheepishly. "Whoops?"

"Wait, hold on," Jack said quickly, "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you were expecting someone else."

"What gave you that idea?" Jason interjected sarcastically.

"But," Jack continued undaunted, "You don't have to worry about me being a trainer; I'm only one by name. If you still don't trust me, then think about this; how can I understand every word you say?"

"He can understand us?!" the espeon squeaked.

"No, really?" Blackstar drawled, "Not like he's been, you know, _talking_ to us!"

She hit him upside the head with her tail. "Quick! You caused this problem, you fix it! NOW!"

Blackstar huffed. "Well unless they are willing to hop back in the machine, there is not much I can do..."

Jason face-pawed, "I think I'd better handle this, Jack"

Jack opened his mouth to protest, but decided against it, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

Jason walked over to where the two Eeveelutions were arguing, "Friends, please; calm down, and let me explain a few things."

They both turned to him with wide, slightly scared eyes.

"Is he going to try and catch us?" Stardust asked.

"We're kind of rare and all..." Blackstar said a bit ruefully.

Jason sighed impatiently, "No, he's not going to catch you; trust me, that's the last thing he'd want to do."

"Oh, well in that case..." Blackstar grinned. "Welcome!"

"Blackstar..." his partner whispered, "He's the trainer's Pokémon. He might be lying..."

Jason seemed slightly insulted, "I'll have you know, even if we completely disregarded the Lucario Code of Honor, lying is against my Christian principles."

Blackstar turned toward Stardust. "See? Everything will be fine!"

She hesitated. "If I get captured, I'm blaming you!"

"Noted." He suddenly grinned. "Hey! Since Rotom isn't here, would you two like to take his place?"

Jason shrugged, "Sure; we'd hate to leave you hanging. Actually, Jack's done this sort of thing a few times before, but this is the first time I've been dragged into it with him. So, what exactly are you two doing?"

"If they're reviewing fanfiction," Jack mumbled quietly, "I don't know what I'll do."

"Nope! That's Keldeo's thing!" the umbreon replied, "We're doing a T.V. show."

Jack mulled it over for a few seconds, then shrugged, "Sounds safe enough…" He then looked around the stage, and noticed Mew and Mewtwo sitting watching the proceedings with interest. His eyebrows went up, and he looked to Jason to confirm that the Lucario had seen it too. Jason nodded, and both of them looked to the hosts; silently requesting an explanation.

Blackstar blinked. "Oh, Mew is our employer."

"Yes," Stardust said, rejoining the conversation, "This is the first show exclusively for Pokémon."

"We're even filming in Mew's private world: Poke-Park," Blackstar added, "And...you're kind of the first human to visit, so...best behavior?"

"I think I can manage that," Jack said, calmly accepting his situation, "Now then, shall we get started?"

"Indeed, sir!" Blackstar said enthusiastically, "Roll the first two!"

_#21: I will not let Darkrai tell campfire stories._

"And so," Celebi said with a giggle as she squeezed Mew closer to herself, "Using the power of love, the princess turned all the zombies back into regular Pokémon and banished the evil Lord Tombstone back to the abyss!"

Darkrai glared at her from across the campfire. "**That's wonderful. I had a very nice, ****_creepy_**** story going on and then you and your little boyfriend there…**"

"I am not her boyfriend…" Mew protested weakly, "Air…need…air!"

"**…****messed it all up! And now it's Victini's turn! Oh, I can't ****_wait _****to see what lovely ending he comes up with!"**

**"**Well…" the fire-type legend said with a grin, "After they were restored…"

(Censored for the sanity of the viewers)

Five minutes later, everyone, even Darkrai, was staring at him in horror, disgust, and terror. He smiled sweetly. "The end!"

Suddenly, Darkrai grinned. "**I like this kid!**"

_#22: In fact, don't let Darkrai near you at all._

"Halt, villain!" Cresselia called, "At last, I have tracked you down! Now, you shall face my wrath!"

Darkrai didn't turn. "**Oh but Cresselia,**" he said, "**I have discovered your greatest fear! And with this knowledge, you have no hope of winning!**"

"I fear nothing!" she declared bravely as she began gathering moonlight to smite the Pitch-Black Pokémon from the Earth, "And I will stop at nothing to defeat…" She paused. "Is that a…rose in your mouth?"

Darkrai snapped his fingers and a lively waltz began to play. He grinned and stepped forward, offering his hand. "**Come, my dear. Let us two creatures of the night whisper sweet nothings in each other's ears as we dance till dawn. The evening is still young and midnight is not quite upon us. Perhaps we will have time for some…other things as well.**"

She blinked. "You…can't be serious."

"**Long have I hidden my feelings, but I assure you that, Cresselia…I love you.**" He reached for her. "**Now come, embrace your destiny with me! You and me! Both of us together!**"

Terrified, Cresselia fled at top speed, Darkrai's howls of laughter echoing in her ears.

* * *

><p>Stardust glanced over at their 'guests'. "So...thoughts?"<p>

Jack was leaning on his brother's shoulders for support, shaking with peals of laughter.

"T-that's the f-funniest thing I've ever heard," the boy said, getting his laughter under control.

"I agree," Jason said, completely straight-faced, "Although I dread to think what would happen if Darkrai caught wind of that second one."

That was all that was needed to set Jack laughing all over again, even harder than before; Jason face-pawed, then propped his brother up against a conveniently placed wall.

"Pardon me," the Lucario said to the hosts, before slamming his paw into Jack's midriff; none too gently.

"Oof," Jack gasped, before taking a deep breath and calming down, "Thanks Jason; I needed that one."

Jason turned back to the hosts, "Please, continue."

Stardust gave them a weak smile. "We should check to make sure he doesn't have spare Poke-balls hidden in his clothes..."

Blackstar sighed. "No, Stardust, we are not going to make the human do that. First of all, this isn't _that _sort of show. Secondly, the human just took a lucario's fist to the stomach and treated it like nothing. I don't want to tick him off."

Jack rubbed the spot where Jason hit him, pretending not to hear the Espeon's words, "Hey Jason, are you getting enough exercise? You were hitting a lot harder last time we sparred."

"Last time we sparred," Jason replied, catching on, "I had to; in order to avoid getting pummeled by you instead."

Stardust and Blackstar both gulped.

"Um..." Blackstar said, "Roll the next two!"

_#23: Even though they live inside objects, spiritombs are not at all related to genies._

Red sighed heavily. This fishing trip with Gold was really uneventful so far. Not even a nibble, he reflected gloomily, reeling his rod back in for what felt like the hundredth time.

A bit of the way down the beach, Gold was skipping stones. He grinned as he picked up a sizeable one. It may not skip well, but at least it would make a good splash!

Suddenly, there was a green flash and a strange, green face appeared in front of him. "Mortal! You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment!"

Gold blinked. "Cool. Do I get three wishes?"

"No! But the world will wish it had never existed! Pain and suffering unlike anything you have ever known shall-wait, what are you doing? Put that down! Don't you dare! AHHHhhhh…."

Gold tossed the Poke-ball in the river. "Sorry, but I believe Team Rocket already took the spots for 'mustache-twirling villains'. Go try someplace else."

_#24: Don't capture legendary Pokémon._

"Red!" Misty stormed up to the Kanto Region's Champion, mallet in hand. "What is the meaning of this?!"

He shrugged. "Just letting my newest Pokémon out for some air. You know how cooped up they can feel after a while in their Poke-ball, right?"

The Cerulean City gym leader glared at him. "Red…that is freaking Giratina. You don't let the god of _death_ out in the middle of my city!"

"Why not?" Red demanded, "Why doesn't he deserve some time in the sun?"

"_He just ate Officer Jenny!_"

Red looked back sharply. "Point taken. Giratina, retur-" Before he could finish that command, an inky-black wing swooped down and knocked the Ultra-ball aside. On Shadow Ball later and it was a pile of scrap.

Giratina glowered down at them. "You will pay for capturing me, human," he hissed.

Red turned, very slowly and calmly, towards Misty. "Now Misty," he said, "I don't want to alarm you, but I think that now is the time for an 'expeditious retreat'."

"A what?"

"RUN!"

* * *

><p>"You don't say," Jason commented.<p>

"Yeah," Jack agreed, "I mean, who would be dumb enough to even try that?"

"Well," Jason said, "Legendaries aren't actually gods, you know."

"I know," Jack affirmed, "But they're so powerful that people think they are; that's got to count for something."

Blackstar giggled. "Who would be dumb enough to even try that?"

"Humans, of course!" Stardust said, "Er, no offence, Mr. Beats-up-lucarios."

Jack nodded, "None taken, Miss Wacks-Dark-Types-with-frying-pans."

Stardust blinked in surprise. "Wait...you saw the first episode?"

"Either that...or he read your mind!" Blackstar said with a grin, "Another reason to be glad I'm immune to psychic powers!"

Jack rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed, "Well, you were thinking about the frying-pan thing a minute ago; surface thoughts are easy to pick up. Sorry."

Blackstar looked sideways at the espeon. "You were thinking about hitting me with that again?"

"Well..." Stardust said sheepishly.

"Never-mind. Back to what we are SUPPOSED to be doing," Blackstar declared, "Now, Halloween is known as a time for dressing up and wearing costumes, so these next two are about that!"

_#25: Never force someone to cosplay, especially not Silver._

Gold blinked, staring at his red-haired rival in confusion. "Nice, um, trench-coat? That is a trench-coat right? Please tell me you're wearing something under that thing…"

Silver ground his teeth in frustration and pointed at gold with one of his giant twin chakrams. "Look, I'm only wearing this stupid costume because Lyra and I were playing Truth or Dare the other day! Now, are we going to have our battle or not?"

"Say the line!" Lyra called, "Just do it!"

"What line?" Gold asked.

"Axel's line! You know, from Kingdom Hearts!"

Silver cursed under his breath. "Fine, fine!" He turned to Gold and, with every ounce of loathing he could muster, said, "I challenge you to a battle, got it memorized?"

_#26: No matter what Mew says, don't have a Star Wars cosplay in the Hall of Origin._

"Why do I have to be Jabba the Hut?" Dialga complained.

"Because!" Mew declared, adjusting his pod-racing goggles.

"Are you implying that I am fat?" the Lord of Time growled.

"Yep!"

* * *

><p>Jack raised one eyebrow, and looked at Mew with something approaching awe. Then, a smile began to tug on the corners of the boy's mouth.<p>

"Okay," Jack said, "I have to ask; how did you survive calling Dialga fat?"

Mew shrugged and called back. "I bombarded him with cake!"

"And hid behind me..." Mewtwo added, "I still have a scar on my tail from that, you know."

It was too much for Jack; he burst out laughing again, just as heartily as ever. Jason sighed, and lined up his target.

"Oof," Jack exclaimed, as Jason's paw connected.

"You know, Jack," Jason said sarcastically, "If you don't stop laughing so hard, you're going to hurt yourself."

"No kidding," Jack rubbing the point of impact, "Just you wait until the next time you get the hiccups."

Stardust cleared her throat. "Anyway...let's continue, shall we?"

"Sure!" Blackstar agreed, "So...these next three, well, they're about death, or the lack of it. See, it's kind of complicated because there's the whole fainting..."

Stardust put a paw over his mouth and glared at him. "Just play the clips, please. You ruin the joke if you explain it too much."

_#27: Don't kill Pokémon._

Wild Weedle appeared!

Go, Articuno!

What will Articuno do?

Articuno used Blizzard!

You caused the second Ice Age!

The Sun is blotted out from the sky!

Ice is everywhere!

Oh, and Wild Weedle fainted. Don't worry though! He'll be right as rain in an hour or so!

"Wait," Latios frowned, "in that case how did _I _die?"

You sacrificed yourself!

"And me?" Sir Aaron's lucario growled.

You didn't die, you were absorbed into the Tree of Beginning!

"And me?" the female marowak from Lavender Town asked.

You…um…well…we're out of time. End scene!

_#28: If I need to climb Pokémon Tower, I won't go armed with a vacuum cleaner._

Red set the machine aside. "Well, that was easy," he muttered as he petted Pika's head. The electric mouse 'chuuu'ed in agreement. "Now…where was Mr. Fuji…"

The old man appeared suddenly. "Ah Red, so nice of you to visit. I see you made a clean sweep of things."

The Pokémon Master shrugged. "Well, it works. I can't imagine what it would have been like to fight my way up here. Again."

_#29: Don't go around calling, "Bring out yer dead!" in Lavender Town._

Ash did this once when he was trying to find a Pokémon to help him beat Sabrina. As it turned out, all the ghosts thought it was hilarious and complied. Unfortunately, the townspeople didn't agree. With the dead literally walking in the streets (or break-dancing, as the case sometimes was) in the middle of tourist season, the town's profits were certainly going to take a hit. After a number of bad puns pertaining to the 'grave situation' they were faced with, they decided to take action.

"And that is why," the mayor solemnly declared, "From this moment forward, there will be a tax on the afterlife. Why? Because we think Pearly Gates and streets of gold sounds like a pretty good deal and we want in on it! So, all you ghosts, pay up!"

From that day forward, ghosts were a rare sight in Lavender Town. After all, you can't tax what you can't find!

* * *

><p>"I suppose that's what people mean by 'taxed to death'," Jason deadpanned.<p>

"Hold on," Jack said in mock astonishment, "Do you mean to tell me, that you have a sense of humor?"

"No, but I can fake it."

Blackstar smirked. "I like him. Can we keep him?"

"No," Stardust said, "his trainer might protest..."

"No," Jack interjected, "Not really; his brother, however, would protest heartily."

Blackstar and Stardust blinked. "I think you mentioned that..." the umbreon said.

"But we were a bit...distracted," Stardust finished, "So...care to explain before the last clip of the first half?"

"Long story short," Jack explained, "Jason's family found me as a baby, and adopted me; they raised me like their own son. When I left home to seek adventure, Jason came with me; stuff happened, I had more adventures than I bargained for, and I met a lot of new friends. I became a trainer, primarily because of a misunderstanding, but also because it provided a good excuse for traveling around with a bunch of Pokémon; which, by the way, I didn't even try to keep in Pokéballs until one of them was almost captured by another trainer. They followed me of their own free will, because they were my friends. Oh, and I also have strange and mysterious Pokémon-like powers, that I don't fully understand yet. If you want any more detail, we'll need a commercial break."

"Alright..." Stardust replied skeptically, "Well, one more and then we can go to commercial."

_#30: Actually, it's best if you just leave the ghosts alone period…_

"Forward!" Giratina shouted, leading his undead army in the attack, "Crush them all! Bring that miserable human's soul before me!"

Rayquaza looked up from his game of poker with Groudon and Kyogre. It _had_ been going well, until now. "Oh…wonderful. What's got Giratina so riled up this time?"

"No freakin' idea," Groudon rumbled, "But it's probably not important."

"Only the apocalypse," Kyogre agreed.

Rayquaza grinned at the two of them. "Well look at this! You both agree on something!"

"SHUT UP, RAY!"

* * *

><p>Stardust smiled at the camera. "And once again, folks, it's time for us to have dinner! So, here's a few words from our sponsors while we..."<p>

"Hold it right there, kekekeke!"

Blackstar gasped. "Stardust! The scene's not over yet! The army of ghost Pokémon is still there!"

"Um..." the espeon said, ears drooping, "That's not part of the scene..."

"So...does that mean they're really here?"

"Yes, Blackstar, it does."

"Crud..."

Jack cracked his knuckles, "Well, well, well; it looks like we might just have a fight on our hands. What do you say, Jason; are you game?"

Jason formed an Auric Bone-Rush in his paws, "Just try not to get in my way."

"Well, you can't exactly expect us NOT to show up on Halloween!" the gengar in the middle said grouchily, "Oi! Eevee-fur-brains! What's the deal with you ditching my man Rotom, eh?"

Blackstar smiled winningly at the gengar. "Sorry, Wraith. There were...technical difficulties...um...how are things in Lavender Town?"

"Boring. That's why I came here." Wraith grinned. "Don't mind if we crash your party, do you? Of course you don't! You need a ghost to host a show about Halloween, and I happen to be volunteering!"

Stardust gasped. "You want to steal our show?"

"Steal is such an ugly word. Besides, you can have it back later."

"Wait," Jack said, thoroughly confused, "So, are we beating them up, or not?"

"No, no, no, no! Please do," Blackstar said.

"You're a dark-type, you help them," Stardust ordered, pushing him from behind.

"I'd rather not..."

"Coward!"

"Hey now! I resemble that remark!"

"Blah, blah, blah!" Wraith cut them off with a glare. He turned to the camera and grinned. "We'll be right back after these commercials..."


	5. Ep 2 Interlude: To my biggest fan

Episode 2 Commercial: To my biggest fan…

"Dein-Ohs! It's what's for…"

The screen turned off for a second, and then flicked back on. A young man appeared, sitting behind a writing desk. He looked directly at the camera and spoke in a somber voice. "Hello, my friends," he said, "I am Rolf, or PkmnMasterRolf, as the case might be."

"Now normally, I would not choose to appear 'in person', as it were, but a certain event has happened that, well, it just seems right. Many of you are my friends and I hope you will understand. This is the best way to do this."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Someone stole a _Spirit's Journey_ and is stealing this story as we speak. In fact, he might even be reading this right now."

"Now, I don't know who you are because you used a different name on the site they chose to post it, but just…hear me out for a bit, okay? First off, you stole my stories, things I value more than gold. If there were ever a fire, I'd die trying to grab all the pieces of paper that I have things scribbled down on for them. Well, that was the elephant in the room, but that's not even what saddens me most. You missed the entire point of _A Spirit's Journey_. If you'd understood it, you wouldn't have stolen it. By the way, for anyone who hasn't read it, the following contains many spoilers. So...I'd really suggest you read the story first. I mean, obviously someone thought it was good enough to steal, right?

"Continuing. In short, it's a story about a person's journey through life. If anyone hasn't read this, spoiler alert. At first, Spirit is trapped in the pain and fear of the past. He can't escape it and isolates himself on top of Mt. Coronet, a land of ice and blizzards inhospitable to anything warm. But then, life happens. He meets some people who want to be his friends. That's Syoran and company.

The first turning point is his confrontation with Commander Proton, who represented the fear and pain that kept him bound. Instead of focusing on himself, Spirit began to fight for his friends and that gave him the strength _not_ to kill Proton. If he had still been focused inward, he would have, but just a tiny shift in focus prevents that. Then, he literally goes to Hell where he discovers widespread injustice. There, he focuses even less on himself and learns to fight for people he doesn't know who are being oppressed unjustly. He even lays down his life for their sake and becomes a hero. The fourth turning point is actually Rio in the throne room of Arceus. Through focusing on his Creator, Rio is able to do the impossible: he defeats the King of Nightmares Darkrai. He turns into a fearless warrior, alive with light and a symbol of hope to those in blackest despair.

"You see? It's the story of what happens when someone's soul moves from being self-absorbed and self-consuming (for Spirit was 'consuming' himself in the beginning) to fully alive. It just requires a shift in focus and, the further away you get from yourself, the more complete you are. But you, when you stole it, turned it into an ironic farce: a story about moving away from selfishness and self-centeredness used to gain cheap, fleeting accolades you didn't earn. This story is just for fun, though, so copying it is a less serious offense.

"I am very, very angry. However, I only want you to do two things: tell everyone who read MY stories that it was I who wrote them, I who spent days working out that certain turn of phrase, I who charted it out and wove MYSELF and how I view the world carefully into it so it would not come across as preachy, and that it was I who CREATED, LOVED, and WROTE Spirit's story! After that, talk to me. I promise that I will be polite and courteous, though it will be very difficult for me. I wish I could promise more, but I honestly couldn't be sure of anything else I swore to you. I will give you a chance to convince me to let the story stay posted on your profile, but I will have the credit for the portion of my soul that I poured into it! Are we clear?"

He sighed and smiled ruefully at the camera. "Sorry, there's not really a joke here. I didn't want to use another one when it would be overshadowed by this. To everyone else, thank you for reading and supporting me. I promise the humor will continue next time. I now return you to your regular programming."

The screen turned black and the commercial began to play again. "Only twenty dollars a box!"


	6. Episode 2, Part 2: Happy Halloween!

Episode 2, Part 2: Happy Halloween!

_#31: Don't make an army of Ghosts_.

3...

2...

1...

Mewtwo stepped onto stage, dressed in a lab-coat. "Welcome to 'Taking over the World 101'," he said, "To today's lesson, we will examine the usefulness of Ghost-types in your endeavors."

Behind him, Wraith and his contingent of spirits circled around Jack and Jason menacingly.

Mewtwo smiled. "Let's observe, shall we?"

Jack held up three fingers and Jason nodded.

The ghosts cackled and leered at them. "A human and a lucario," one drawled, "I'm shaking in terror!" They burst into gleeful laughter. A wide burst of electricity from Jack, however, not only cut it short but stunned a third of them as well. They recovered just in time for Jason the lucario to tear through their ranks like a dervish. His glowing, steel claws lashed out an struck any unfortunate to get close to him.

The ghosts pulled away, cursing in some ominous tongue. A few of them fell unconscious, though not from any visible wound. Jason suddenly felt weak, but his human brother covered him with bursts of lightning he sent raining down from above.

"Is he...hovering in the air?" Blackstar asked. He rubbed her eyes just to make sure.

"There's a weak psychic field surrounding him, so...yes," Stardust answered.

Wraith shot into the air with a grin. "Kekeke! You boys take care of the mutt! The human is mine!"

"Mutt?!" Jason repeated with a growl. In one smooth motion, he charge, aimed, and fired an aura sphere...which passed right through the ghost and blew out one of the stage-lights instead.

"Hey!" Blackstar yipped in alarm, "Those are expensive!"

"You want me?" Jack called, "Come get me!"

"With pleasure!" Wraith replied. Ghastly energy appeared around each of his hands and he punched them together like boxing gloves. He charged. An instant later, he was thrown back by a burst of psychic energy. The ghost groaned. "Ow..."

"See?" Stardust said triumphantly, "He's psychic."

The ghosts all hovered around Wraith. "He took out the boss!"

"What do we do?"

"Retreat!"

"Coward!"

"…Say that again, I dare ya!"

"I'll say it louder! You're a coward!"

"That's it! I've had it with you! Come here!"

"Hey! Jack and Thana are fighting! Place your bets!"

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Mewtwo smirked. "And so, as you can see, Ghost-types are an unreliable lot. The instant the leader is taken out, they will scatter. Also, they smell. And they look ridiculous. And..." He paused when he saw all the ghosts glaring at him.

"All in favor of creaming him?"

"We are!"

"The let's go!"

"Get him!" they said in unison.

Mewtwo sighed. One instant later, they were all unconscious on the ground.

"And," Mewtwo finished, "They are all overconfident." He bowed and exited the stage.

* * *

><p>"Pfft," Jack scoffed as Plusle and Minum came onstage and dragged the ghosts away, "Featherweights, the lot of them."<p>

"I know," Jason replied, "That's why I couldn't use Bone Rush and get it over with quicker."

"That, and it would have passed right through them," Stardust said.

Blackstar grinned. "That was awesome."

"And you just stood back and watched." Stardust glared at him and his ears drooped.

"Aw come on...give me a break," he protested, "They're like...chosen ones or something."

Jack chuckled at that, and Jason rolled his eyes.

"Nope," the boy said, "Just guest stars. Anyway, shall we get on with the show?"

"Let's," Stardust agreed, "Play the next two clips."

_#32: Never follow a litwick._

Black and White clung to each other, staring wide-eyes at the ring of evil candles circling them hungrily. "Give us your souls…" they hissed.

"You had to try and catch one…" White muttered.

Suddenly, Keldeo burst onto the scene. "Back! Back! Get away from them!" he shouted, spraying water at the ghosts.

"Out of our way, you My Little Pony reject," a chandelure hissed.

Keldeo stood proudly. "Those who give no respect to God and the laws of justice shall never get past me!"

He ghosts exchanged glances. "He has a point…" one muttered. They sighed. As one, they bowed their heads and closed their eyes. "We thank you, Lord, for the bounty of delicious souls we are about to consume…"

While they weren't looking, Keldeo scooped the two trainers onto his back and escaped.

_#33: Don't delve into black magic._

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Evice cackled. At long last, his evil plan was a success! Cipher would rise out of the backwater region of Orre and rule the whole world!

He grinned down at his long-time opponent, that meddler named Wes. "You fool! I wield the power of Darkrai now! I am invincible!"

Wes sighed and produced a pistol. "Let's test that theory, shall we?"

Wes used Gunfire! It's a One-Hit-KO! Cipher Head Evice fainted.

The blue-coated teen examined his handiwork. "Eh, he'll live. I only shot him once in the big, glowing weak-spot." He paused. "Why _did_ he have one of those anyway?"

Darkrai appeared next to him. "**Eh, contractual obligation**."

* * *

><p>Jason raised one eyebrow, "No kidding; and here I always thought the people who designed all these 'indestructible' weapons of mass destruction, were just idiots."<p>

"Nope," replied Jack jokingly, "apparently they're all under contract to include at least one weakness, fatal flaw, or exploitable oversight in each doomsday weapon they invent; after all, if their inventions worked more often, villains wouldn't have to try over and over again. Didn't you read the last edition of 'Mad Scientist Weekly'?"

Jason raised the other eyebrow, "Did you?"

Jack opened his mouth to explain that he was being sarcastic, but thought the better of it.

"Oh! You read it too?" Blackstar said in delight, "What did you think of the main article?"

Jack did a double take, then joined his brother in the ceremonial raising of the eyebrow.

Blackstar looked between them. "What? I built the machine that brought you here."

Stardust sighed. "This next clip ought to strike your interest, Blackstar..."

_#34: Don't cackle evilly, despite it being a proven stress reliever._

Cyrus cursed as he ran through the shattered landscape of the Reverse World. His plan had almost worked! A few more seconds and he would have had the power of Giratina in his possession! But then, he had decided to laugh and it had distracted him at just the critical moment. But really now, he reflected grimly, who would have expected Diamond to throw a Master Ball at the Ghost King? It's not like there had been any point along the way where he could have gotten one!

Oh wait…

"Curse you, Sakuraaaaaai!"

* * *

><p>"I know a certain author," Jack said, looking pointedly at the camera, "who does that all the time."<p>

Jason sighed, "And there goes the fourth wall; I was beginning to hope you could leave it intact for a while."

Stardust shrugged. "Eh, it gives Yveltal more opportunities for community service."

"He blew up Sky Tower," Blackstar explained, "Rayquaza was TICKED,"

"Of course," Jason deadpanned, "That makes perfect sense; roll the next set of clips please."

_#35: Don't spend forever picking out your costume._

"Dawn, would you please hurry up?" Lucas pled, "My legs are starting to go numb from standing here too long!"

"One more thing!" she called. He sighed and leaned against the wall glumly. But when she emerged in an absolutely stunning white dress, all his tiredness vanished. She giggled and spun around in a circle. "Like it?"

"Uh, yeah! A lot, actually." He smiled and offered her his arm. "You look just like a princess. Now we'd better get going…Barry's party is going to start soon and I don't want to be fined for being late."

_#36: Don't be a vampire!_

"So…" Ash said, "Are we going to only be able to travel by night now?"

Misty glanced over at him. "Why would we do that?"

Ash grinned nervously. "You know…because you're now a…"

"Ash!" Misty shouted in exasperation, "For the last time! I'm not a vampire! It was a blood drive! It goes to help people in the hospital!"

Ash frowned. "I thought only Pokémon went to the hospital here…I mean, Team Rocket survives blasting off every time we see them and they're just fine."

Misty stopped in her tracks and her eyes widened. "Well…crud."

* * *

><p>Stardust looked up at Jack. "You know...you're not so bad. For a human who's not Gary."<p>

"Oh don't get started on him again..." Blackstar sighed.

Jack raised an eyebrow, "Gary, as in, Gary Oak?"

"Yes!" Stardust bubbled, "That's exactly who I mean!"

Blackstar looked at Jack in dismay. "Why? Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Now she won't shut up about him..."

"Is this Gary Oak before, or after he lost to Melissa in the Pokemon League?" Jack asked.

Stardust blinked. "He lost?!"

Jack raised an eyebrow, "You weren't aware of that? Well take it from me, it was the best thing that could've happened to him; he really improved a lot after that, in terms of character."

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! GARY COULD NEVER LOSE!" Stardust shouted before she turned and ran off-stage.

Blackstar sighed. "I'll get her. Roll the next two."

_#37: Similarly, psychotic murderers are not welcome._

"Prepare for trouble!"

"And make it double!"

"Wait, wait, wait! Since when did you all use guns?!" Ash protested, "And knives?!"

James smirked. "Since we remembered that we're the bad guys."

Jessie glared. "Now shut up and don't interrupt our motto again! Now…to Protect the world from devastation!"

Brock sighed. "I guess some things never change…"

"Pikachu! Thunderbolt!"

"Wait!" Meowth protested, "We ain't even finished da motto yet!"

There was a loud explosion.

"Yep," Brock said as the trio sailed off into the sky, "Some things never change."

_#38: Also, biological super-weapons that you can't control are strongly discouraged._

"Alright," Giovanni said with a slight growl in his voice, "We can try cloning one more time. But this time, I want full assurance that the specimen will not be born with any deep-seated anger issues that highlight to the public that yes, we are evil, but in the end just make it rebel."

"So…no electroshock therapy?"

The boss of Team Rocket glared at the speaker. "What sort of question is that?! Of course electroshock therapy! We're still the bad guys, after all!"

* * *

><p>Jack looked slightly stunned, "You know, I used to almost feel sorry for those scientists; they were only doing their jobs after all. Now though, not so much."<p>

"Electroshock therapy," Jason said sarcastically, "The greatest crime since destroying the world for the sake of being a god."

Blackstar and Stardust reentered, though the espeon didn't look very cheerful. "She'll be okay," Blackstar said, "And she'll find a new trainer to obsess over shortly."

Jack and Jason raised their eyebrows in unison.

"Wasn't she the over-cautious one when it came to trainers?" Jason said.

Blackstar chuckled grimly. "Only ones right in front of her."

"Oh," Jason said knowingly, "I see."

"Anyway," Jack said, "I took the liberty of glancing at the script, and these last two skits should get her mind off Gary."

"Agreed, sir!" Blackstar said, "Roll the next two!"

_#39: If trapped in a haunted mansion…don't be an idiot._

Red, Blue, Gold, and Silver crept stealthily through the decrepit and decaying building, on the lookout for the prowling ghosts. Somewhere deep within the depths of this mansion, there was rumored to be treasure, Gold had insisted, and think of all the Pokémon shelters they could fund with it! In response, Silver had muttered that there was no way he was giving up good money so that pidgies could eat quality bird-seed. He still agreed to come though.

"Maybe we should split up," Gold suggested quietly, "We could cover more ground."

Despite all common sense, they agreed and each of the four went off in a different direction. Within a minute, Gold found the treasure. He also found himself surrounded by a horde of angry ghost-types.

"You have trespassed on our burial grounds! That treasure belongs to us!" one declared as they all began charging shadow balls, "And now you must die!"

Gold gulped. "In that case…I have one last request. Could you tell the homeless pidgies at the shelter that I died trying to make their lives better?"

The ghosts exchanged glances. "Explain…"

And so, Gold explained his entire plan to create a chain of shelters all up and down the Kanto and Johto regions along the pidgey migration routes so that the birds would always have a place to roost in safety, away from all the beginning trainers that wanted to use them for level-grinding.

"Dude!" one of the ghosts said, tossing him a bag of gold nuggets, "Take it all!"

Gold blinked. "Really?"

"Sure! Sounds like a great idea We're all the spirits of pidgies killed by level-grinding trainers. Well, one in particular…"

"Who?"

"His name's Gold and if we ever find him…by the way, what's your name?"

"Uh…" Gold thought quickly, "Leo Orlando Leonardo."

_#40: Just say no to Creepypastas_

"Hmm, what's that odd music?" Red asked, peering around at the gravestones in the top floor of Pokémon Tower. Mr. Fuji's eyes widened.

"Oh no, it's _him_!"

A zombified arm burst out of the ground near the back of the room. "You're here…" a breathy, wheezing voice said, "I'm trapped…And I'm lonely…so very…"

In a surprising feat of strength, Red tore a nearby tombstone out of the ground and slammed it down on top of the arm. "Go away, Buried Alive!" he shouted, "You're not even a real part of this game!"

* * *

><p>Jack started to chuckle, but Jason held up his clenched paw as a preventive measure.<p>

"Alright, alright," Jack said hastily, keeping his face straight, "I'm not laughing; do you hear any laughing? I don't hear any laughing."

Jason turned to the two hosts, "He can be taught."

"Train a human!" Blackstar exclaimed, "Brilliant!"

Stardust smiled. "Well, that just about wraps up the show for tonight. Thank you for coming, Jack and Jason."

"Let's give them a big round of applause!" Blackstar shouted.

Jack and Jason turned toward the audience and took their bows; hamming it up a little by bending at the waist till their bodies were almost perpendicular to the ground. Then they stood and shook paws with the hosts.

"Thanks for having us on the show," Jack said.

"Even if it was an accident," Jason interjected.

"It was loads of fun," Jack continued undaunted.

"Especially the ghost invasion," Jason finished.

"Yes," Jack ceded, "Especially that."

Blackstars grin was a little forced. "Oh yes, that was LOADS of fun..."

"Hmm..." Stardust stared at Jack, "This may seem like an odd question..."

"Oh goodness..." Blackstar muttered.

"But may I have your autograph?"

Jack was a little taken aback, but Jason nudged him.

"Go ahead," the Lucario said.

Jack shrugged, "Alright."

A quill-pen and a piece of paper materialized in his hands, and he scribbled down his name in a flowing golden script that looked a little like calligraphy. Around his signature, he drew a magical-looking star, with a different symbol in each of the five points.

Jack surveyed his work with a smile, "It's been a long time since I've done that. Anyway, here you go."

The quill-pen disappeared, and he handed the signature to Stardust.

Stardust grinned. "This will go right next to my Gary Oak paraphernalia!"

Jack winced, but didn't say anything.

"So," said Jason, "I guess it's time for us to head back to our own dimension, right?"

Blackstar nodded. "Yeah...sad to say. It was fun though!"

Mew appeared right beside them. "You're welcome to come back anytime!"

"Thanks," Jack said, "Although I warn you; we may take you up on that offer sometime."

"Indeed," Jason agreed, "This was the most excitement we've had in far too long."

Jack looked thoughtful, "How long's it been since our last journey, Jason?"

Jason considered the question carefully for a second, "At least five years, give or take."

"Well good luck on your adventures!" Blackstar said with a grin.

"And be sure to watch the rest of the season," Stardust added, "We have lots more planned!"

Blackstar cleared his throat. "I'll go start up the machine... I promise it will work this time."

Jack smiled, "Good; well then, Jason, let's go home."

The two guests stepped back into the machine, and it began to power up.

"Oh," Jack said, a sly grin forming on his face, "And one more small thing. Be careful how you use this thing; it may or may not be a time machine."

Blackstar's eyes widened. He turned to Stardust. "CALL VICTINI! WE NEED HIM TO CONVINCE DIALGA NOT TO MURDERIZE US!"

Suddenly, Jack and Jason disappeared from view in a cloud of smoke; when the smoke cleared, they were gone. Stardust turned to Mew, a slightly unnerved expression on her face. "So…Director Mew, if we really did just perform time-travel, how long do we have before Dialga arrives here to blast us all into oblivion?"

Mew thought about it. "About…two minutes, forty seconds."

"Just enough time to get everyone out and make a run for it!" Blackstar declared, "Everyone! Run as fast as you can! If we can avoid the angry Lord of Time, we will be back next week! And probably with a few good stories to tell… So tune in next time!"

"See you!" Stardust added. She turned to Blackstar. "I'll grab the food. You grab some money."

"Sounds good!" he agreed and they both dashed off stage-right. "See you Monday, Director Mew!"

Mew waved. "See you! Have fun playing tag!"

"We're going to die!"

Mew flew back to where Mewtwo was. "Hey Twosie…I'm going to go watch over them and make sure Dialga doesn't actually kill them. You know how angry he gets sometimes…"

Mewtwo nodded. "In that case, I presume I will be alone this weekend."

"Yep!" Mew gave him a quick hug. "Try not to miss me too much."

"I'm actually looking forward to some solitude for once," Mewtwo replied.

"Oh admit it, you like having me around."

"…perhaps…"

Mew grinned. "Knew it! See you later!"

Mewtwo nodded in acknowledgement and the diminutive legendary sped off into the night after Stardust and Blackstar. The clone rose and made his way back to his private den. He took a deep breath and sighed contentedly. "Alone for an entire weekend…" Slowly, ever so slowly, a grin crossed his face. "and I know just what I'll do with it…"


	7. Episode 3, Part 1: 41-50

**Episode 3, Part 1: Mewtwo's Dastardly Scheme!**

"Where's my brush! I can't find it anywhere! BLACKSTAR! DID YOU TAKE MY BRUSH?!"

From down the hall, the Umbreon shouted back. "No, Stardust, I didn't! Did you check under your pillows?!"

"Yes!"

"Well…how about the closet?!"

"Yes, Blackstar! I'm not an idiot!"

"Debatable!"

One of the bottles in Blackstar's room suddenly levitated and smacked him in the head. "Ow!" he protested.

"Serves you right! Now, can I borrow your brush?"

Blackstar sighed. "Fine…" He grabbed it in his jaws and took it over to her. She immediately plucked it out of his grip with her mind and began running it through her fur. Blackstar stood in the doorway, fidgeting awkwardly. Suddenly, she looked his way.

"Were you just going to stand there and watch me brush my fur?" she asked with deceptive sweetness.

Blackstar grinned sheepishly. "Well…if you wanted me to…"

"Get out!"

"Yes ma'am!"

* * *

><p>Mew and Mewtwo once more sat in their booth. "So…what'd you do this last weekend, Twosie?"<p>

The larger psychic glared venomously. "I cannot begin to describe how I loathe that nickname…" He cleared his throat. "And to answer your question, you'll find out."

Mew blinked. "What's that supposed to mean?" His cloned brother did not reply, but a very satisfied smirk crossed his face.

The show music shortly began. Blackstar and Stardust ascended out of the stage dramatically as the audience cheered. Mew noted with a happy grin that the room was much fuller than it had been on the first episode.

"Hmm…" Blackstar frowned and looked down at the stage. "That entrance is getting kind of old. Let's do something more exciting next time."

"Like what?" Stardust asked.

Blackstar shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Cannons, fireworks, explosives of all kinds. I'm really not picky."

"We can…talk about it later," Stardust said.

"But whenever you say that, we never do…"

"We'll talk about it later!" she repeated, "Now let's start the show!"

"But…"

"Anyway." Stardust cut him off. "We apologize for not broadcasting last week. Mew saved us from being squashed beneath Lord Dialga's feet, but in exchange we were frozen in time for the week."

"Can we talk about the entrance now?"

"No."

"But it's later and…"

"ROLL THE FIRST CLIP!" Stardust ordered. They waited expectantly. Nothing happened. They waited some more. Nothing continued happening. "I said, roll the first clip!" Stardust repeated. Nothing decided that it had found a nice place to stay and rented a condo with options to purchase at a future date. Stardust turned to Blackstar. "Why isn't anything happening?"

The umbreon shrugged nervously. "I don't know?"

Stardust turned to the audience, a strained smile plastered on her face. "One second, we appear to be experiencing technical difficulties…stay here, Blackstar, and keep them entertained while I go see what's wrong." She dashed off the stage with speed that a sneasel would be proud of.

Blackstar stared at the audience with wide eyes. They looked back expectantly. "Speeeeeech!" a particularly loud Pokémon called.

He gulped. "Thank you, weird purple-black mutated Snivy-thing! Um, well, I just discovered what stage-fright is and I don't like it!" he declared, "So…anyone heard the one about the oddish and the lopunny?"

Stardust burst into the control booth, eyes flaming. "DJ! Marbles!" she shouted at the charmeleon and togetic who were frantically pressing buttons and flipping switches, "What are you two doing back here?! We need that video pronto!"

The pair turned around with frightened expressions. "Um…well see the thing is…" the togetic began, "There's this sort of virus thingy and it's blocking our controls…"

"It keeps saying we have to solve its puzzles before it will let us play anything…" the charmeleon muttered.

"Puzzles, eh?" Stardust said grimly, "Stand aside! This calls for my amazing intellect."

"What about Blackstar?" the togetic asked.

Stardust fixed her in place with a glare. "Marbles, Blackstar is a big kit now. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

* * *

><p>"…and that's how I ended up becoming the rain god of a small, tropical island!" Blackstar finished. Stardust's face appeared on the screen behind him. "Oh hey! Stardust! What's up?"<p>

"Blackstar, some moron hacked the system."

"Uh-huh."

"It won't let us play the clips unless I answer its riddles."

"Hmm…interesting."

"So you're hosting the show alone this time."

"Ah, I see…wait, what?!"

"You heard me," Stardust said with a smirk, "Have fun~" The screen switched off.

"Wonderful…" he said, "Well, let's hope she can figure out the riddles…" The screen switched on again and began playing. "Oh hey! She did it. Maybe she'll come back now…"

_#41: Even if it is to keep them from tearing each other's throats out, inviting all the Legends to a barbeque is strictly forbidden._

"So…what's in the burgers?" Mew asked, taking a very large bite.

Yveltal grinned. "Deadly poison! It will eat your insides and kill you slowly over the course of several days! The agony will consume you until there is nothing left!"

Mew chewed this over, and then took another bite. "Cool. I'll take two." He turned to the crowd. "Someone pass me a Pecha Berry!"

"Hey Mew-kun!" Celebi called, "Care to try my secret recipe?"

"Better hope it isn't spiked this time…" Latios muttered.

Latias spat out her drink. "WHAT?! SPIKED?! She would DO that?"

"Well sure," Latios answered, "How do you think Mew got ahold of fermented Iappapa Juice a few months ago?"

_#42: Don't let a jolteon hug you._

Sometime in the distant future, a lucario and a jolteon sat in a room together. "My life is over, Bolt…" the lucario muttered.

"Aw, don't say that Keski!"

"But it is! Everything I ever did is-" The jolteon's eyes glazed over. "-angst, and I angst, angst, angst, angst, ang- are you even listening to me?!"

Bolt suddenly leapt onto Keski's back, wrapping his arms around the lucario's neck. "Someone needs a hug!"

ZZZZZAP!

"Ow…."

"Oops…sorry!"

_#43: Don't tick off Charizard…_

"RRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!"

"Boy," Squirtle said, running alongside the rest of Ash's old team, "For a guy who just lazes about all day, Charizard sure is scary!"

"This is all your fault," Bulbasaur said with a glare.

"_My_ fault?! I just wanted him to actually fight for once!"

"Well congratulations!" Pikachu said, "He's now pretty intent on murdering us!"

"What did you even say to him?" Bulbasaur asked.

"Um…" Squirtle grinned nervously. A flamethrower attack whizzed over their heads. "You don't want to know…"

* * *

><p>The screen turned off. Stardust sighed and went over to the controls. "Okay, what now?" she asked.<p>

"A new riddle is required to continue. Would you like to guess?"

"Yes," she said in annoyance, "What is it?"

"You have three paths through the forest, each guarded by a man with a spear. One always lies, one always tells the truth, and one stabs people who ask tricky questions. How do you figure out which way is correct?"

"Simple," Stardust said, "Ask multiple, simple questions."

"That is incorre-"

"You didn't say I could only ask on question!" she countered.

"…fine…that is correct. Now playing the next three."

_#44: Don't let Cave Johnson buy Silph Co._

"HA! You think Mewtwo is 'da bomb'?! Well, I'll tell you what you lab-boys are going to do. You're going to make me Mews three, five, and seven! …I see a hand raised. This isn't a press conference, put it down! Oh, alright. What's your question."

A scientist rose nervously. "Er, Mr. Johnson, what about four and six?"

The eccentric businessman stared at him. He turned around slowly. "Karen! They found out about the classified project already! Let's cancel it and go with that Genetic-Disk operating thingie instead!"

_#45: Neither is Professor Oak's lab a secret entrance to Aperture Science._

A nameless lucario slammed his fist down on the red button. A door slid open and he ducked through, avoiding machine-gun bullets spraying behind him. "You know, I can just jump the gaps!" he shouted at the ceiling, "This Portal Gun thing is completely unnecessary! And why are things shooting at me? I thought this was supposed to be a scientific test!"

"Yes. You are correct," the computerized, female voice of GLADos answered, "But death is a very scientific thing. Not that you're supposed to die, although at the current rate at which your trainer is catching Pokémon we don't really need you either."

"Can I take a break?"

"No. Exercise is good for you. Please, show some gratitude for what we're trying to do here."

"Kill me?"

"You seem to have a particularly negative outlook. I like that. Well…I didn't want to tell you this right away, but if you finish these tests…there might be some cake for you. And a party. With all your friends. Let's see, that would be…well, it's a very short list, isn't it?"

"Hey!" The lucario threw down the portal gun. "That's it! I've had enough of this! I'm coming to get you!"

"I'm afraid that won't be possible." A green cloud seeped in from the vents. "Sorry about this, but after the last two times I really can't let revenge-crazed life-forms run around my facility."

The lucario blinked, unimpressed. "I'm a steel type. I'm immune to poison."

There was a long silence.

"Well," GLADos said, "as long as I don't end up in a potato this time…"

* * *

><p>Blackstar stared up at the once again blank screen. "Huh, they're should have been another one there…STARDUST! WHERE'S THE NEXT ONE?!"<p>

Mew looked over at his brother. "Twosie…what are you doing?"

The clone smirked. "Well, I am indulging my own unique sense of humor."

"This isn't very funny…"

"Neither was dropping a giant pie on me."

"Fair point."

"To play the next video, Blackstar," the computer said through the speakers, "You will need to perform a song praising the great Mewtwo."

A look of terror crossed Blackstar's face. "I can't sing…" he protested.

"Then you are in quite the dilemma, aren't you?" the computer responded.

"Alright, fine!" Blackstar cleared his throat and, in a very bad voice, sang, "Oh Mewtwo, Oh Mewtwo, you are the best! I tell you, I tell you, above all the rest! With a mind like a trap, from which none escape, Oh Mewtwo, Oh Mewtwo, you are the best!"

"And," the same Snivy from before shouted, "Blackstar! To keep evil at bay, take a gray stray of hay and slay your prey this day in a fray, I say!" He threw a piece of straw painted grey at the stage.

"Ooookay…" Blackstar said. He eyed the snivy suspiciously. "Um…security? Crazy snivy on aisle four!"

"We don't have any," the computer said, "Playing next clip."

_#46: Don't make Robo-Pokémon._

Red trudged along wearily. It had been a long day. Reporters everywhere, fans chasing him, and Blue had shown up one to challenge him to yet another rival battle. Seriously, the guy was uncanny! He knew exactly the worst possible time for a battle and chose it anyway! What a jerk.

"Pika?" his faithful Pokémon said. He looked up and saw very impressive looking machoke with dark sunglasses levelling an oversized rifle at him.

"John Conner?" it asked in a very deep, if slightly mechanical, voice.

"Um, no. My name is Red…I don't know a John Conner…"

"Red," the machoke repeated. It raised the gun and swiveled around sharply. "I'll be back…"

Red watched him go. "Wow. Maybe if I talked in a weird accent, I'd be cooler too!"

* * *

><p>"Game Over!" the computer declared, "Continue?"<p>

"Huh, I didn't know this was a video game. Waitasec! I know what's going on!" Blackstar stared at the blank screen. "Someone's hacked the computer system!"

"No, really?" Stardust's voice said.

"Oh, well, in that case, we should find out who hacked it."

"Well isn't it obvious?" she replied.

Blackstar's ears drooped at her tone. "Er…not to me?"

"Mewtwo did it, you idiot!"

"Oh." Blackstar blinked. To the computer, he said. "Um, Continue?"

"That will be 10,000 points please. Or you can pay in Poke-dollars!"

"We'll pay later," Stardust said icily, "Play the next clips!"

"Playing."

_#47: Kill ALL the furries!_

"That's the last of them!" Gold called as his typhlosion fried one of Team Rocket's very-disposable grunts.

"Ugh, finally," Silver said gruffly, "Perhaps they will stay gone this time, or is that too much to ask for?"

Crystal shook her head. "Who knows? But for now, let's just focus on figuring out what was in this lab…"

Gold approached a nearby control panel. "Hmm…when in doubt, press random buttons!" He promptly slammed both hands down right in the center of a keyboard. Alarms went off everywhere.

"Warning: Subject 1-A-Choo-Choo-Train has been released."

"Gold, you moron!" Silver snapped. In the corner, a glass canister slid open, revealing…

"Hi!" the…creature said, "I'm Vee! I'm a human-eevee morph and I…"

Silver's eyes narrowed. "Oh wonderful. We've wandered into _that_ side of the internet again…"

_#48: Don't be a stupid bad-guy._

"Hold it right there, Red!"

"Pika, Thunderbolt."

"ARRRRGH! Ugh…."

"Hey, you! Stop!"

"Charizard, flamethrower."

"ROOOAAAR!"

"…oh Arceus…NOOO AAAAAAH! IT BURNS!"

"Blast!" Giovanni cursed. His eyes tracked the Pokémon League Champion's progress on the security cameras. "Apparently, having our weakest members fight first is not working well. Send the next strongest ones!"

"Um sir?" one of his advisors piped up, "I don't mean to sound rude, but wouldn't it make more sense to send our strongest ones to stop him now? Before he devastates ninety percent of our forces?"

Giovanni ground his teeth. "Normally, I would agree, but ever since the grunts formed that union…"

"What about our giant super-weapon then?"

The boss gave the man a very chilling glare. "Are you seriously suggesting I fire my Doomsday Device _before_ the hero can be there to witness it?! Come now, where is your sense of dramatic tension? Don't you know how these things are done?!"

"But…then he wouldn't be able to stop you…"

"Eh, rules of the game." Giovanni leaned back and crossed his legs. "Now someone start playing some dramatic music so I'm more imposing when he arrives."

_#49: Giving Mew coffee is never a good idea…_

"Whee!"

"Double whee!"

"Triple WHEEEEEE!"

Latios looked around in bewilderment. Giant cakes were everywhere. Cookies were raining from the sky. Ice cream floated in the canals. The trees were all sugar-coated. Alto-Mare had been transformed into a sweet-lover's paradise.

He shook his head. Only one person could be the cause of this. "MEW! GET OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!"

Five creatures zipped over towards him. He stared, a look of horror crossing his face. "Mew…why are there five of you?"

"Latias gave me coffee!" one said.

"And I developed a severe case of split personality!"

"I'm Chaos!"

"I'm Impulse!"

"I'm Charity!"

"I'm Logic!"

"And I'm Kleptomania!"

Latios slapped a paw to his forehead. "That's it! I don't care if Mewtwo is dating Deoxys, this is the last time we are babysitting you!"

* * *

><p>"Speaking of coffee…" Mew said. He rose to leave.<p>

Mewtwo's eyes glowed and he forcibly restrained him. "No."

"But…"

"No!"

Mew pouted and he sat back down. After a moment, he looked back over at Mewtwo. "Twosie…were you dating Deoxys?"

"No. That was just an excuse. I was actually doing something…else."

Mew leaned forward eagerly. "Is it a secret! I want to know! Tell me!"

"World Domination."

"Oh, that again?" Mew leaned back and shrugged. "You know, we need to find you a better hobby…"

"Shut up…"

"And for our last one before commercials…" Blackstar said, "I have prepared another special machine…" He gave a signal and Plus and Minus wheeled on a trolley covered by a sheet. "Thanks! Anyway…" Blackstar grinned as the lights dimmed slightly. "Behold my genius creation!" He whipped away the sheet. "The AWESOMINATOR!"

"What?" Stardust said over the speakers.

"Well…I think this last one is lame, so the AWESOMINATOR will spruce it up a bit!"

"Ugh, fine. Can't make things worse." Stardust sighed loudly. "Play the next clip!"

"Error 404: Video not found. Try again later."

Blackstar flicked his machine on and a truly awesome rainbow-colored beam struck the screen. The computer muttered garbled gibberish for a few seconds, and then explosions enveloped the screen as the clip began to play.

_#50: Don't lead kids down the path of evil._

Youngster Joey was writing a thank you letter for a homework assignment.

"Dear Prof. Oak,

Thank you for coming into class and teaching us today. Your advice was really helpful and…"

A flicker of energy flashed across the scene.

"…and when I become the overlord of the entire world, I promise not to enslave you! Scratch that, I will be supreme overlord of the entire world! My bug-armies will rule everything! But you will live in my 200 story palace on a throne of diamond-encrusted gold, silver, and platinum!

Thanks again for teaching us about the local ecosystem! You're more awesome than a talking Meowth in a tuxedo made out of bacon riding on a cyborg rapidash with candy instead of fire and a lightsaber for a horn standing on the top of Mt. Coronet! In case you didn't know, that's pretty awesome.

My bugs will rule the world! That fool Red will never see it coming! He will see the power of shorts! I love shorts! They are comfy and easy to wear! AHAHAHAHAAHAAHAA! Ha!"

* * *

><p>The machine sparked and smoked. "Uh-oh…" Blackstar said, "Take cover!" He leaped away as it exploded, albeit awesomely, filling the room with black smoke. "Noooooo! My prized creation!"<p>

Stardust sighed heavily over the speakers. "We'll be right back after these commercials…"

**So which was your favorite?**


	8. Episode 3 Commercial: Storage Balls!

Commercial Two: Storage Balls

Hey Trainers! (and some Pokémon) Ever run out of room in your backpack? Did you ever wish you could carry an entire picnic table with you? Ever wanted to grill up some filet, but just not be able to because you were missing your giant grill?

Well worry no longer! The new Storage Balls from the ever helpful Silph Co. are just what you need! We've taken the Poke-Ball technology and transformed it into an item-capturing device! Bring all the comforts of home with you on your travels! Heck, even bring your home! Literally!

Warning: Do not try to capture Pokémon in the Storage Balls as it has been discovered that the environment inside is toxic to living substances. A moment of silence for Fluffy the Mareep, whose brave sacrifice allowed us to discover this fact…

…

…

Also, trainers are advised that touching the objects brought out from Storage Balls may result in a minor case of serious brain damage.

Have fun!


	9. Episode 3, Part 2: The Portent

**Sorry that things have been slow lately. Got a lot of stuff going on. My computer crashed too, but that's not important now. Anyway, just a heads up that this is probably the last thing I'll be able to post until close to Christmas or a little afterwards.**

Episode 3, Part 2: The Portent

"Are we live _now_?"

"Yes!" the computer said excitedly, "Good job guessing the password."

"Well gee, thanks you good-for-nothing computer!"

"Um, Stardust?" Blackstar called.

"WHAT!?"

"Let's just get on with the show as best we can. Okay?" He smiled at the camera. "Our technical difficulties are still rampant. We apologize for the inconvenience. Here's your dose of humor for the day!"

"Roll the clip!" Stardust ordered.

_#51: Don't challenge Arceus' rule_

A single zoroark stood in a spotlight with a big, toothy smile on his face. Dramatic music played in the background. "Arceus lied to you. He's a kleptomaniac. He probably eats children. He's a supporter of big business. Um…he likes Nazis? So vote for Darkrai, 2014! A true believer in individual rights and definitely not an eater of souls!"

The Lord of Nightmares stared blankly at his subordinate. "**And what was ****_that_**** supposed to be?**"

"A new campaign commercial for the upcoming deity elections?"

"**The universe is a monarchy, you moron!**"

_#52: No more Eevee puns._

"So…" Gold said, "What do you get if you teach an Eevee to sing?"

Silver glared at him. "I don't know and I don't care."

"Aw come on…" Gold pled.

"…Fine."

"A CelineDeon!"

_#53: Profiteering off of your position on the Legendary Council is strictly not allowed._

Hello! Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Is the anxiety of evolution becoming a major source of stress? Well worry no longer, for I, the marvelous Mesprit, am here to help you overcome all your emotional turmoil!

Along with my partners, Azelf and Uxie, I stand behind all the bidoofs, the ratattas, the magikarps, and other poor, downtrodden Pokémon of the world! Come, our doors are open!

Uxie: On Monday, nine to five. Also, emotion-counterpart forgot exorbitant fee she charges. Convenient for commercial. Not so for buyer.

Mesprit: (gasp) Uxie! I gave you the script for a reason! And don't say you forgot it already!

Uxie: Apologies.

Azelf: Huh. What does an 'adjustable rate loan' mean anyway?

Uxie: Means more money can be extracted than what might at first seem.

Mesprit: Uh, that's all for today! You can stop filming now, Shaymin!

Azelf: And while we're at it, I don't think 'your eternal servitude' is really a reasonable price to…

(Static)

* * *

><p>The computer giggled. "I liked that one!"<p>

"You did?" Stardust said.

"Yep! I'll have to take some notes for my own endeavors."

Blackstar's eyes narrowed. "Wait a second…I know that voice. Rotom! Are you inside the computer system?!"

"Uh…no…definitely not. You're imagining things…"

"Riiiiiiight," Blackstar said, "You know, I believe it's time for a good old fashioned exorcism. Will someone grab me some water and a priest?"

"You're going to put water on the computer?!" Stardust shouted.

"Well…" the computer said, "it would get rid of me…er, Rotom, if he happened to be in your computer. But it would also fry the entire thing." The computer paused. "And it would really hurt…"

"Good. We understand each other." Blackstar smiled in the way that only Dark-types can. "Now be a good processor and play the next few clips."

The computer made a sound like clearing its throat. "Yes boss!"

_#54: When parodying other fandoms using Pokémon…do so at your own risk._

"Ganondork!" a green-hatted lucario snapped. A blue blade of aura shone in his paw.

"Ah, the hero of time," an armored emboar replied, "how good of you to drop in." He glanced up at a hole in the ceiling. "Literally."

"Set Princess Zelda free!"

"Ah, the princess. Yes. She was so brave, wasn't she? Even in her…" The giant pig grinned. "Final moments."

'Link' noticed a mysterious chest sitting behind 'Ganondorf'. "What's in the chest?" he demanded. The emboar's grin widened. "What's in the…"

Suddenly, the wall blew apart and a dewott stepped in wielding a small stick. "Valdemort!" he called, "Where are you?"

The lucario and emboar exchanged glances. "Who…are you?" Ganondorf asked.

"And why are you wearing glasses?" Link added.

The dewott blinked. "I'm Harry Otter. This isn't Valdemort's lair, is it?"

"No. It's mine."

"Oh, sorry," the dewott said, "Evil lairs all look alike these days…"

"No, no, I understand," the emboar replied, "But if you don't mind, we were in the middle of something."

"Oh that's fine. I'll just show myself out. Good day."

"Bye!" the lucario and emboar chorused. There was a pause.

"Well he seemed nice," the lucario muttered, "Anyway, DIE!"

"Hmph! You first, hero!"

_#55: If you give a Meowth a Pikachu…_

…He'll get a promotion.

If he gets a promotion, spend the money on food.

When he spends the money on food, he'll get fat.

When he gets fat, he has a heart attack.

When he has a heart attack, he's rushed to the hospital.

When he's rushed to the hospital, Gary Oak can't get an appointment for his raticate that you fainted.

When he can't get an appointment, his raticate dies.

When his raticate dies, you feel bad.

Don't feel bad. Don't give a Meowth a Pikachu.

_#56: Similar to the furries, Were-mon will be hunted down mercilessly._

Red looked deep into Yellow's eyes. "I've got something to tell you."

She blushed and smiled. "Um, what's that?"

"I'm not like other boys…"

"Well… you are the champion…"

"Uh, right. That's not what I meant though." Red looked up at the night sky. "As soon as the full moon comes out…then you'll know."

Yellow smiled nervously. "Um…you know the forecast is for cloudy skies all night and torrential rainstorms tomorrow, right?"

"…dang it. Turning into a pikachu is so cool though…"

_#57: Pokémon acting as trainers is cool, but it'll never happen._

"He's a Pokémon, I tell you! A wild Pokémon! He'll kill us all!"

"Alright sir," the security guard said with a firm smile, "I think you've had a little too much tonight, don't you?"

"I'm not drunk! And I'm not crazy!"

"Ursa Ursaring."

"See?! SEE?! He just talked in Poke-speak!"

"My dear sir," a nearby businessman scoffed, "Professor Bearington is a respected member of the faculty down at Goldenrod University and a world-renowned Poke-linguist! Besides, he clearly just asked if you were feeling alright."

"He's an URSARING I tell you!"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me," the guard said, "We can sit you down, maybe get you a glass of whiskey to calm your nerves, and you can just relax for a bit, hmm?"

The businessman sighed and turned to Prof. Bearington. "My apologies for my guest. Don't know what got into him. I do hope you are enjoying the party?"

"Ursa."

"Ah yes! Excellent suggestion! We do indeed need some music. Now, sit down and tell me how you've been."

* * *

><p>"You know," Blackstar said, "I heard a story of a primape who tried that. Ended up in a zoo, but…"<p>

"Mommy, what's a zoo?" a kid in the audience asked.

"A place you don't want to go, dear."

Blackstar cleared his throat and gave the speaker a pointed glare. "Anyway…Oh Rotom~ Play the next clip or I will Dark Pulse your butt into the middle of the next century~"

"Mewtwo better pay extra for this…" Rotom grumbled, "Playing."

_#58: Teirno dance moves ain't got nothing on this guy!_

"Wow, Teirno!" Shauna said enthusiastically, "You're getting pretty good at this dancing thing!"

"You think so?" he said, pleased.

"Yep! You might even be the world's greatest dancer!"

Suddenly, a lively disco theme began to play. The door burst inwards and three ludicolos danced in, perfectly in time with the music. "The world's greatest dancer?!" an indignant voice called, "No, no, no! This will never do! They have forgotten me, yes! They have forgotten the great Miror B.!"

"What in the…?" Shauna said. An…eccentrically dressed man with a huge red and white afro moon-walked into the room, whirled around, and grinned down at them. "And you are?" she said.

"I'm Miror B." the man replied, "And _I'm_ Pokémon's King of Dance!"

"And why are you here?"

"Well," he said, "With Gen Three being remade and all, I just couldn't stay away."

"I'm sorry, what's Gen Three?" Teirno asked.

"Aw, sixth gen kids are so cute," Miror B. chuckled, "Don't realize they're in a game yet."

The fourth wall shattered (again) and the infuriated roar of Palkia echoed through the universe. "THAT'S IT! I'M GETTING AN INSURANCE POLICY ON THAT THING! DAKRAI! FIND ME AN INSURANCE SALESMAN!"

_#59: Don't prank Mewtwo._

Mewtwo woke up slowly. His head felt like it had been hit with a sledgehammer. Or Groudon's tail. It pretty much amounted to the same thing.

He sat up gingerly and froze. This was Mew's 'Playroom'. Toys of all sizes and descriptions lay scattered about haphazardly. There the little pest was too, sleeping curled up with his tail wrapped around his ears. How he ever managed to fall asleep like that was a mystery.

Then he saw his reflection in the mirror. His screech of horror not only woke Mew up but made him fly directly into the roof.

"What?! What?! What?!" Mew called, "Team Rocket?! Where?" He blinked. "Um…what are you doing in my room and why is there stuff drawn all over your face?"

Mewtwo clenched his fist angrily and glared at his reflection. "Original, I shall be gone for today. I have a certain jigglypuff to destroy."

"I hate that Pokémon…" Mewtwo growled, "After I tracked her down, she just put me to sleep again. Only that time I woke up in the middle of an anime convention."

Mew's eyes went wide. "How did you ever escape?"

"I told them Edward Elric and Col. Roy Mustang were down in the East Wing."

"And for our last one for the night, we have a very special one!" Blackstar said, "Oh yes…very special." He grinned. "Hit it, Rotom! Or you get blasted!"

Rotom sighed. "My like sucks…"

_#60: Not all story ideas are good._

After an epic, final showdown, Cresselia finally sent Darkrai's forces fleeing. His fortress destroyed, armies scattered, and power fading, the King of Nightmares fled through the nearest portal. Cresselia pursued him. But somehow, through a twist of fate, they ended up in a place they didn't expect.

Darkrai examined his new human body in bewilderment. "Huh. Italian suit. Nice."

"Darkrai!" a voice called from behind him. He turned and saw a woman dressed in a…ridiculous frilly dress. She charged him. "I don't know where we are or why you brought us to a place where we have no power, but I am here to…"

She tripped on her dress and fell flat on her face.

"Ow…"

Darkrai grinned. "Well, this will be fun then." He extended his hand. "Die! HAHAHAAHA…ha?"

Nothing happened.

"Well, time to do this the old fashioned way then…"

Shortly thereafter, the New York police arrested them both for causing a public disturbance. In other words, they were hitting each other a lot. They were eventually released and Cresselia went on to be a respected psychologist. Darkrai, however, still tried to be a villain and ended up in the bottom of the Hudson after he tried to intimidate the wrong mob boss. His dying words were, "I hate spin-offs…"

* * *

><p>In the eastern part of Kanto, there is a place. A place where even the bravest souls fear to tread. It is called Pokémon Tower and it is where the spirits of the dead still floatwalk/levitate in the form of Ghost Pokémon. The Big Boss of Pokémon Tower is a gengar, a gengar named Wraith, who was currently fuming as he watched the closing ceremonies for the latest episode of 200 Things NOT to do in Pokémon.

"I hate lucarios. I hate overpowered humans. And I HATE this show!" he grumbled.

"I think it's funny…" a haunter muttered.

"Shut up!" Wraith hit him with a Shadow Ball. "See how they disrespect my boy Rotom? It's not right, I tell you! Something needs to be done and we're going to do it! Stardust and Blackstar will rue the day they ever crossed Wraith!"

"So…what are we going to do, Boss?"

Wraith grinned. "Well…I'm glad you asked…"


	10. Episode 4, Part 1:Christmas Special Now?

**Episode 4, Part 1: The Christmas Special already?**

"So wait, _Mewtwo_ stuck Rotom in the computer?!" Blackstar shook his head. "Well, good thing we figured it out before the episode ended."

"You're telling me…" Stardust muttered, "I was getting rather annoyed there." She smiled at him. "Ready for the Christmas special?"

"Yeah…" Blackstar said, "But I do have one question…"

"Yes?"

"Now what I don't get," Blackstar said, "Is how we got from Halloween to Christmas in two episodes."

Stardust glared at him. "Great. Thanks a lot, Blackstar. Bet no one thought about that until you mentioned it."

The umbreon blinked. "Oh, is this another 'breaking the fourth wall' thing?"

"Yes. And even though Palkia can't technically attack us for it, it's still not a good idea to press our luck. Unless it's for the show."

"Right." He turned to face the readers and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry everyone. Forget I said anything!"

Stardust sighed. "Sometimes I wish I could…" She adjusted the red bow tied around her left ear. "Nice collar by the way."

Blackstar grinned and displayed the red and gold accessory proudly. "Yep! Found it special at the Leavanny Emporium!"

"Wait, you actually shop?"

"Yes, Stardust. I'm not a complete dolt. I can shop for myself."

"Well, okay…" she muttered, "That's not what I meant, but sure…"

Blackstar grinned and extended his paw. "Well, shall we?"

To his surprise, she took it. "Yes, let's."

Soon, they stood upon the stage once more. "Hello!" Stardust said.

"Hi!"

"And welcome back."

Blackstar grinned. "It's Christmastime! So this is our Christmas and New Year's Special!"

"And that means even more fun!" Stardust said, "Do you like how everything is nice and decorated? Cicci and her crew did a fantastic job, I think."

"After she re-did everything ten times…" Blackstar muttered.

"It wasn't perfect!" the minccino shouted from backstage, "Everything must be in its exact proper place for Christmas, after all."

"Right," Stardust said, "Anyway, she did a great job. Now for your doctor's recommended dose of humor. What's on the docket for today, Blackstar?"

"Well…" he said with a grin, "I'm sure you all know how many of the evil teams would just _love_ to capture a legendary Pokémon, right? Well, we touched on this before, but this first one might warn them about a certain legendary we all know and love."

_#61: Don't let Victini tell you a story that begins in the twelfth century._

"Wow! That's fascinating, Victini!" N smiled at the diminutive Legend. "More scones?"

"Fool!" Victini swung his long cane right under N's nose. "Provision 337 of my 1000 Provisions for Partnership: Scones are no good. Pasties are much more acceptable."

"Ah, so you want some pasties then?"

"Fool! Only a peasant eats pasties."

"But you just said…"

"Fool!"

Ghetsis sat in stoic silence and ground his teeth. All the money and resources spent capturing that miserable little fur-ball had been a complete waste of time. Oh sure, it was entirely possible to harness its limitless energy, but the thing was just so…so…

_Annoying!_

N smiled at Victini. "It's going to take me a while to master these provisions of yours, Victini…"

"Then perhaps I could enlighten you with a tale of daring and chivalry?"

"If you wish…"

Victini hopped up onto the nearest table and cleared his throat. Waving his cane in the air and pacing back and forth, he began his tale. "My story begins in the twelfth century. My teenage years were very formative to my eventual character. As my uncle Darkrai always says…"

"Shut up!" Ghetsis snapped, "Shut up you miserable little…did you say '_uncle_' Darkrai?"

"Fool! Never ask a lawyer to wear a bowling hat!"

"Gah!"

_#62: Despite the confusion they cause, pointing out temporal anomalies to Dialga will not win you any favors._

Giratina tried to tune them out, he really did, but Dialga and Palkia just could not be in each other's presence for more than five minutes without going for each other's throats. And after the 'Incident with the Chess game', they were both even more on edge.

"SHUT UP!" he screeched, "You are both equally insufferable and I despise you! Just shut up!"

They rounded on him. "What do you know?" Dialga scoffed, "Besides, he can't even keep that fourth wall from breaking every chapter!"

"Oh here we go again! Fortunately, it's so broken that you can't do anything to it anymore!"

"Well maybe you should fix it!"

"I did! And then it gets broken again!"

Dialga looked smug. "See? This is why I am superior."

"Three words," Palkia said, "Ash Ketchum's age."

Immediately, the Lord of Time broke down sobbing.

"Hmm…" Blackstar narrowed his eyes and stared at the screen.

"What is it?" Stardust asked.

"Well, those were funny, but they weren't, you know, _Christmas-y._"

She blinked. "You know, you're right. Well, let's see. I think we have a few winter or Christmas related ones lying around somewhere. Hey DJ! Play one or two that fit that criteria, would you?!"

The screen lit up and a new one began playing.

_#63: Despite the cultural differences, there is no excuse for bad dubbing._

"Merry Christmas, everybody!" Ash declared.

"Pika!"

"Squirt, Squirtle!"

"Bulba_saur_!"

"Merry Christmas, Ash," Misty replied, "Have you bought me a new bike yet?"

"Uh…" Ash grinned sheepishly, "Oh look! It's Brock with the food!"

The Pewter City Gym Leader grinned. "Yes, I made your favorite, Ash. Hamburgers." He plopped down a plate full of stuff that looked almost, but not quite, entirely unlike hamburgers.

Ash grinned and immediately began eating. Misty wasn't so sure though.

"Um, Brock?"

"Yes?"

"These look suspiciously like rice balls and sushi."

Brock leaned in close and gave her a blood-curdling glare. "Eat your hamburger, Misty. Our American Overlords demand it."

_#64: Guards that investigate mysterious sounds never survive long._

"What was that?" one Team Rocket Grunt asked, "I'm going to investigate."

His partner laid a hand on his shoulder. "Look, newbie. We heard nothing, okay?"

"But…but…it was a mysterious noise…"

"Guards who investigate strange noises never make it past their third year," the second one said through clenched teeth. "We heard _nothing_. Now eat your hamburger."

And that is how Ash sneaked past all of Team Rocket's security on Christmas Eve to deliver a present to Jessie, James, and Meowth. It was a Pikachu plushie. They absolutely loved it and returned the favor by giving him a coupon for a 'No-Kidnapping Episode!'

"Still not enough for the Christmas special…" Blackstar said, "We need more!"

"Well, we just might have some more there for you," Stardust said.

"Really? Yay!"

"Stop hugging me please."

"Sorry…" He grinned sheepishly. "Play the next one?"

"That sounds like a marvelous idea."

_#65: Everyone will be in the Christmas spirit!_

Giovanni lay in bed and sighed. Christmas was such an irksome time of year. His level-headed staff all transformed into gibbering idiots. They decorated the base, they made cookies (burnt most of them too), and the scientists put their heads together to reprogram the mind-controlled Pokémon to sing carols!

"In the words of Ebenezer Scrooge," he said to the darkness in his palatial bedroom, "Bah, humbug."

Suddenly, he heard clanking chains in the hall. "Giovanniiiiii. Giovanniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" a mysterious, ethereal voice called, "It is I, your old partner Lorenzo!"

Giovanni sighed. "Don't tell me, you're here to introduce three ghosts that will teach me the 'true meaning of Christmas' or some rot like that."

The translucent figure of his old friend appeared in front of him. "No, idiot! You pushed me off a building! I'm haunting you!"

"Ah," Giovanni said, "Then I'll just call up that green-hatted plumber with the vacuum cleaner again."

_#66: Ghosts are perfectly logical creatures! Don't even think otherwise!_

"So…I have another question…" Lugia said.

"So long as it does not question my or Mew's gender, then go ahead and ask," Mewtwo replied.

"Well, it's actually for Giratina."

"Oh…goody," the god of death drawled.

"So…Christmas as we know it today started as the celebration of the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, right?"

"Correct…"

"And Santa Claus, originally known as Saint Nick, exists in our world too, which implies that there is a connection between the two worlds."

"Yes. Your point?"

"So why are there ghosts? Wouldn't the existence of Heaven and Hell rule out the possibility of any wandering spirits?"

"Um…" Giratina racked his brain for an answer. "Oh look, a shiny object."

Lugia looked around. "Where? I don't see it." But Giratina fled to the Reverse World so he wouldn't have to solve another of the very annoying logical inconsistencies in the world of Pokémon.

"Correction," Uxie said, "Though it is thought that souls go to Heaven or Hell upon death, it is never confirmed. Therefore, the possibility exists that souls wander for a bit before…"

Very annoying logical inconsistencies.

"That is a false assertion, Rolf."

STOP RUINING MY JOKE!

In the corner, Palkia was in tears. "Why do I even pretend the fourth wall exists anymore?" he sobbed.

"We really need to stop it with the whole 'oh look, we broke the fourth wall! Isn't that hilarious?' thing," Stardust said with a sigh, "It's kind of getting old."

"But it's a recurring joke!" Blackstar countered, "When the audience sees it, they remember all the other instances of it and find it all the funnier!"

"Or they get bored and switch to a different channel."

"There are no other channels! We're the only show designed solely for Pokémon!"

Stardust glared at him. "Point is, we should lay off it for a bit."

"But if it's funny the first time, why not every time?"

"The Rule of Three, Blackstar. Something's only funny the first three times it happens. It's a long standing principle of comedy."

"But…"

"And we're done here," Stardust said. She turned and smiled at the audience. "Now, this one is a gift for Mewtwo. Since we don't want him to murder us at Christmas."

"And say," Blackstar said, "if you find all the experiments in your lab destroyed, we had nothing to do with that. Even though we may have not appreciated you sticking Rotom in…" Stardust nudged him. "Ah, right! So, in the spirit of giving, we offer this present to Mewtwo."

_#67: Don't kick Mewtwo out of Super Smash Brothers_

"Hey did you hear?" Pikachu said. He and the other Smasher Pokémon were eating lunch in the cafeteria before the afternoon matches. "They're letting Mewtwo join the roster again!"

"Heh, well I'll enjoy the opportunity to bash that smug grin off his face," Charizard said, "I'll punch him so hard, he'll beat the Sandbag in the Home Run Contest!"

"Yeah…" Pikachu said, "I'm just concerned he might go after Lucario. You know, being his replacement and all when the Brawl Tournament started."

Lucario shrugged. "I'm sure he's not one to hold a grudge. Besides, technically it was Red who replaced him. I actually replaced Pichu. So I don't think I have to…" Suddenly, he was enveloped in purple energy, lifted high into the air, and thrown out the nearest window. Mewtwo strode over and sat down.

Pikachu waved. "Sup?"

Mewtwo glanced around the room and frowned. "Hmm. They removed Roy because he was a clone of Marth and then added in a character that is literally just a shiny form of Pit?"

"Yep!" Pikachu said, "But hey, you're back now, right! I better check on Lucario though…"

"He will survive," Mewtwo said, "But he will be very wounded."

Charizard and Pikachu exchanged worried glances. "Um…" Pikachu said, "That's not good. I think we'll go sit somewhere else."

Mewtwo looked puzzled. "And why would you do that?"

A giant blue aura sphere tore the wall apart. Lucario strode in, a column of flaming aura surrounding him. He pointed at Mewtwo and growled in a deep, threatening voice. "You threw me through the window…"

The psychic Legend turned back to face Pikachu. "Never fear, I have a plan."

"HE'S GOT 999% DAMAGE!" Pikachu screamed, "EVERYBODY RUN!"

"Ah," Mewtwo said, "I see you've already grasped the concept of my plan. Yes, let's run."

"Yes indeed! In case you didn't know, Mewtwo is back in Smash!" Blackstar declared.

"And we heard a certain Jigglypuff left because she didn't want him finding her. After she drew on his face and all," Stardust added.

In the booth, Mewtwo clenched his fists. "So that's where the little devil was hiding all this time…"

"This next one is for Mew," Stardust said, "It's…particularly suited to his unique personality."

_#98: Impersonating Santa Claus is not a good idea._

Professor Oak woke up with a start. Someone was downstairs in the lab! Normally, he would have assumed that it was one of his assistants or his grandson, but years of experience with Team Rocket had taught him to take no chances. He grabbed the nearest weapon, a very heavy research notebook, and crept downstairs.

There was a man there, dressed in red with a big bag over his shoulder, and he was rifling through the lab looking for something! Oak gulped, took a deep breath, and charged. He struck the man over the head with the notebook as hard as he could. The intruder crumpled and shrank, transforming until…

"Mew?!" Oak said in astonishment.

"Hi Professor…" Mew said, rubbing his head, "Ow…that hurt…"

"Why are you here?"

"I was looking for free cookies…"

"You were taken down by an old man with a book?" Mewtwo said in disbelief.

Mew shrugged. "Well, the pen is mightier than the sword…or so my fortune cookie told me."

"And now for the last two before commercial break!" Blackstar said with a grin.

"Don't worry, they are funny," Stardust said, "And they apply to anyone anywhere too. Not just Pokémon. So enjoy!"

_#69: Don't be alone on Christmas!_

Red sighed and sat down. Mt. Silver sure was cold this time of year, but after the whole 'Giratina in Cerulean City' fiasco, he really didn't feel like showing his face down in Kanto. Oh well, at least he had his Pokémon. And a lot of time to think…

"Greetings, mortal!" a childish voice said from beside him.

"Gah!" Red fell over in surprise, "J-Jirachi? What are you doing here?"

She giggled. "I've come to grant you Christmas wish of course! Now, what do you wish for on Christmas?"

Red thought about it. "I want to be the very best, like no one ever was!"

"You already are."

"Oh," Red said, "In that case, could you make everyone forget about how I accidently caused the destruction of half of Cerulean City so I can go to the Christmas party at Oak's lab?"

"Sure thing!"

_#70: Love those around you!_

Red was glad he was able to go to the party. Everyone was there. Professor Oak, Blue, Green, and even Yellow. Many more besides, including the entire population of Pallet Town. He smiled. Tonight was going to be great and he had a surprise for Yellow.

He pulled her aside halfway through the party to tell her something very important…

Red used 'Ask on a Date'!

It's super effective!

Yellow fainted…

"And now for something completely different!" Blackstar said cheerfully.

"Commercials!" Stardust said, "But first, I have a present for you, Blackstar."

The umbreon grinned. "Ooh! Ooh! Did you get it from Mad Scientist weekly?"

"Um…as a matter of fact, yes…" Her eyes glowed for a second and a box floated through the air onto the stage. "Go ahead and open it."

He tore into the packaging and pulled out a large set of tools, all specially crafted for a quadruped to use. "Awesome! Now I can make all sorts of stuff!" Suddenly, an idea occurred to him, "Hey! We can make that a section of the show! 'Mad Science' with Blackstar!"

"Sure…" Stardust said, very unsurely.

"Oh! Speaking of science, I made you something," Blackstar said, "Let me go get it!" He darted offstage and came back with a present in his jaws.

"Why thank you," Stardust said with a smile. One use of psychic powers later and a strange metal contraption lay on the ground. "Er, what is it?"

"A Universal Mute Button!" Blackstar said proudly, "Now, whenever something annoys you, you can just mute it!"

"That's…does it actually work?"

"Yep!" Blackstar's grin widened, "I tested it! It was a bit difficult with all the extra calculations I had to do in order to localize the mute-field to only what you wanted, but in the end I just used a few differentials and some logarithms in the programming to-mmmph!"

Stardust grinned and took her paw off the button. "What a marvelous gift! I'm sure I'll use it all the time!"

"Mmph! Mph!"

She turned to the audience. "We'll be right back after these commercials! Merry Christmas everyone!"


	11. Episode 4 Commercial: Legend of Linkario

Coming This Spring…

The Story you know well…

_Too_ well in some cases…

Because hackers suck…

But we're getting sidetracked…

Coming this Spring…

Take up the Master Aegislash once more…

And fight the evil Ganonboar…

To free Princess Zelda…

From Evil…

Now in full 3-D with better graphics than the old Wii…

No seriously, they're great now…

Look, just buy the game for nostalgia's sake, okay?

Yes, yes, I can feel the peer pressure working on you already…

And now, a random screenshot that looks awesome but won't actually be in the game.


	12. Episode 4, Part 2: And a Happy New Year!

Episode 4, Part 2: And a Happy New Year!

"Mmmmph!" Blackstar said.

"Oh, alright." Stardust rolled her eyes. "Here. Show me how to unmute it and I'll let you speak again."

Blackstar frowned, then his eyes went wide. "Mmph! Mmph!"

"You…didn't put an unmute function on this thing, did you?" Stardust asked. Blackstar looked abashed. "Brilliant, Blackstar, brilliant." He shrugged. "Well then! It looks like I'm going to be doing this solo…"

Blackstar gave her a glare.

"_Mostly_ solo," she corrected and he smiled. She sighed and turned back to the audience. "Well, let's get back into it! This part of the episode is for New Year's, so enjoy!"

_#71: 'Just because they glow sometimes' is not a good excuse to use voltorbs as the New Year's Ball._

Since the regular one had been shattered, the citizens of Castelia City decided that a giant container filled with Voltorbs would make a perfect replacement! How did it break, you ask? Well, it appears that a certain jigglypuff had run through town with Mewtwo hot on her heels…

You can probably guess what happened when they went to drop the ball…

"Three!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

"VOLTORB!" the angry Pokémon began glowing brightly.

"OH CRA-"

"BOOOOOOOOOOM!"

In the town hall, the mayor held a quick meeting with his subordinates. "Alright, we pin this on the previous administration," he said.

"Um, how are we going to pin the destruction of downtown on them?" an aide asked.

"Boy, this is politics. Everything is the previous administration's fault."

_#72: New Year's is a time for resolutions to do better next year…so starting your new diet by gorging yourself is not a good idea._

"Murk…smack…urp…belch…"

The Pichu Brothers stared up at the behemoth in awe. Never, _never_ had they seen so much food disappear so quickly. "Um…Mr. Snorlax?"

"Gobble…shovel…What?"

"How do you fit all of that inside you?" they asked.

"Hohoho! It's simple, boys!" Snorlax said, "I have a hollow leg."

Their eyes went wide. "Really?"

"Yes. Now pass the custard and stop asking silly questions."

_#73: If you must observe all twelve days of Christmas, do so with discretion._

"You haven't opened my gift yet!" Crystal exclaimed in surprise.

"Nope!" Gold said, "I'm waiting till Epiphany!"

"What in blue blazes is that?" Crystal asked. To be honest, she was not very happy at the moment and didn't really care what it was, she just wanted to know what could be so important that Gold would delay opening her gift.

"Well, you know that song 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'? Well, it came from where there were twelve days of celebration, ending in Epiphany!" Gold said with a self-satisfied grin, "And the tradition was to open a gift a day, so I haven't opened yours yet."

"Whose have you opened?" she said, a dangerous tone in her voice.

"Oh, Red's, Prof. Oak's, Silver's…"

"YOU OPENED SILVER'S BEFORE MINE?!"

Gold suddenly realized what was going on and grinned nervously. "Um, I have the right to remain silent, right?"

"You also have the right to run away. As fast as you can. And I suggest you use it."

* * *

><p>Stardust smiled. "Not your best decision, kid. Anyway, what's next on the list, Blackstar?"<p>

"Mmph!"

Her smile faded. "Right. Mute button. See if you can fix that."

Blackstar nodded in agreement.

"You know," Stardust said, "This is a lot less fun without your stupid comments…and I can't believe I just said that."

He grinned at her.

"Oh stop it! DJ! Marbles! Play the next few skits, please. Before I completely embarrass myself."

_#74: Fireworks are to be used only by those with wisdom._

The alarm blared and red lights flashed. The ship was out of control and was spiraling downwards toward the city below. Hunter J. clung to her command chair, cursing under her breath. Another explosion rocked the deck and threw her crew from their positions. She closed her eyes as the ground rushed up to meet her. At least the explosion would do a lot of damage to the city responsible for her demise.

"Told you it would work!" Victini said. He grinned as the ship lost cloak entirely and crashed right into the middle channel of Full Moon Island.

"Well, on to the next group of villains then!" Azelf declared, "Hmm, what's our plan for Team Plasma?"

"Well Mew suggested we bring the carnival to life."

"Sounds fun! Let's go!"

And that is how Ghetsis met his end at the sugary hands of the dreaded Cotton Candy Glob…that ate Castelia City.

_#75: Avoid going to the store at all costs!_

"Okay," Brendan said, "I just need some Lemonade from the vending machine. Shouldn't be too difficult, right?"

He pushed open the door and found himself in one of the circles of Hell. Kids were fighting over the last Poke-Dolls, trainer battles had broken out all over, and the store clerks were swamped in a crowd of shouting shoppers, much like a man caught in a crowd of hungry zombies. Brendan ducked as someone fired a spear-gun and briefly debated turning back.

"Eh, it's not as bad as Black Friday!" He shrugged and dove into the mayhem.

_#76: Even though New Years is the time for parties and fun, don't challenge Meloetta to a pun war._

It lasted a whole month. Neither Victini or Meloetta were willing to admit defeat. Pun after pun they threw at each other, making breakfast, flying around Unova, in the Legendary Council meetings, and even in their sleep! After a while, even Mew was annoyed.

"Give it up!" Victini said while dancing in time with the music, "You're _beat_."

"On the contrary." Meloetta pirouetted. "I just have to stay _on my toes_."

"That's _enough_!" Dialga roared, "You've been at this pointless game for a month, four hours, nine minutes, and ten seconds now! Give it up already!"

"We're just _killing time_."

Dialga glared. "Fine. You asked for it." He cleared his throat. "Cease saying silly sentences so a slaying shall stop sidling up to your side. Sneakily."

"Ooh! Alliterations!" Meloetta said in delight.

"HA!" Victini danced around in triumph. "That wasn't a pun! I won! I won!"

"No you did not, you bologna-nosed, booger brained, beedrill butt!"

"What was that, you miserable, misanthropic…"

Dialga roared in rage and the pair gulped.

"Truce?" Victini offered.

"Truce," Meloetta agreed, "Now run!"

* * *

><p>"So Blackstar."<p>

"Mmph?"

"Any idea how to unmute yourself yet?"

Blackstar nodded.

"Oh?" Stardust raised an eyebrow. "How?"

Blackstar blushed and shook his head.

"No, seriously. Tell me."

Blackstar turned and typed something into a nearby computer. He slid it over to her. She read it and her eyes went wide. "You're serious?"

He nodded.

"Well, let's get this over with then…" She approached him slowly, closed her eyes, and kissed him. Then right afterwards she slapped him with her tail.

"Ow!" he said, rubbing his cheek, "What was that for?"

"Just so you don't get any ideas," she said, "Right, well what's next?"

"Well," Blackstar said, still nursing his cheek, "Let me just say that New Years is a time for fun and all, but even being high (on sugar) is no excuse for doing any of these!"

_#77: Don't challenge Rocket Admins 'To the Pain'._

"So, kid," Proton spat, "To the death?"

"No, to the pain," Gold replied.

Proton paused. "I'm not familiar with that. What is it?"

Unfortunately for Gold, Proton really didn't find his whole speech intimidating. And so began a frantic battle of attrition as Gold tried to hold off the Admin's Pokémon. Turns out, Antidotes and Pecha berries are necessary supplies when fighting an evil team that likes to poison you a lot.

_#78: Don't bring ordinary Poke-Balls to a Legendary Pokémon fight._

"Finally," Giratina hissed. He leered down at Red. "I've found you. And I know for a fact that you have no more Master Balls. So, it's time for you to-"

"Red used a Poke-Ball! Oh no! The Pokémon escaped!"

"As I was-"

"Red used a Poke-ball! Oh no! The Pokémon escaped!"

"WOULD YOU ST-!"

"Red used a Poke-Ball! Oh no! The Pokémon…"

"Mew," Red said, "Please stop narrating for me."

The pink legend giggled. "Sorry!"

_#79: Don't use Pokémon, even ones that look like food, as spare desserts._

Officer Jenny looked around at the crime scene and sighed. "What do we have on the case so far?"

"Well sir, it appears that the hosts ran out of ice cream and were very drunk, so they tried to serve vanillish instead."

Jenny nodded. "So it's suicide then."

"Yes, that's the conclusion we came to."

"Right. Clean this mess up and we can all go home. Oh, and Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year to you too, sir."

_#80: Don't ask Snivy what she thinks of you._

Snivy sat behind her booth and grinned smugly. This was the easiest money she'd ever made! Soon, she'd be able to buy a body-guard and keep that starry-eyed Oshawott away from her!

Tepig walked up and frowned. "Candid Opinions: Free."

"Yes," she said, "Care to try it?"

"I'm going to regret this, but sure." He braced himself.

"Oh don't look so alarmed. I actually think you're quite wonderful." Snivy smirked at him.

Tepig blinked in surprise. "Huh? You do?"

"Of course. Bacon that cooks itself is A-okay in my book!"

"Well that's…"

"Though your brain is a little too fried in my opinion. Not a whole lot there, if you know what I mean."

"Okay, I've had enough already," Tepig snapped.

"It's five dollars to get me to stop talking," Snivy informed him.

"Shut up and take my money!" Tepig shouted. Snivy leaned back, satisfied. Easy money.

* * *

><p>"And that's all she wrote!" Blackstar exclaimed, "Happy New Year, everyone and goodnight!"<p>

The two eeveelutions went backstage. Plus and Minus bounded to their feet when they entered.

"Stardust!" they said in unison, "There's a package waiting for you in your dressing room!"

"Aw." She smiled. "Must be from one of my adoring fans."

"I want adoring fans…" Blackstar muttered.

"Well maybe if you were beautiful like me, you'd have some!"

"Hey! I'm scrappy!" Blackstar said with a wounded tone, "Some girls are into that."

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed."

Blackstar huffed. "You know what? Good night. I better leave before my ego becomes microscopic. See you next rehearsal."

Stardust smiled warmly and nodded. "Yep. See you then."

They parted and she went immediately to her dressing room. Plus and Minus followed behind her. "I can open it myself," she said.

"We want to see what it is," they answered.

"You know, that whole talking in unison thing is kind of creepy."

"We know."

Stardust took a deep breath. "O-kay then…" She opened the door to her dressing room and stepped inside. On the floor was a large package wrapped in purple and red paper. Plus and Minus filed in behind her and stood along the wall.

"Open it," they said.

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there!" she said. Her eyes glowed and the wrapping came undone. Inside was a box. But when she went to open it, the top came flying off and a certain Ghost-type leapt out.

"Boo!" Wraith shouted, a wide grin on his face.

"You!" Stardust shouted. She crouched in a defensive stance. "What are you doing back here?!"

"I've come to give you an exclusive, non-refundable, and non-_refusable_, invitation for an all-expenses paid vacation to Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town," Wraith said.

"You're kidnapping me?!" Stardust glared. "Well, then you should realize that you are outnumbered! Plus and Minus! Let's take him down!" There was no response. The plusle and minum pair stared blankly ahead. "Um…Plus? Minus?"

Wraith cackled. "Isn't hypnosis wonderful? Now, come along my dear…"

"No! I'll…" Stardust's eyes met his and suddenly she felt sleepy. "I…ugh…now Blackstar has to come save me…brilliant…"

**A.N.: (Wild Plot-line appeared!) Oh no! Will Stardust be okay? Will Blackstar be able to save her? And what has Mew been up to all this time? Find out next time on 200 Things NOT to do In Pokemon! **

**Happy New Year, everyone!**


End file.
